


Sings of Light

by emilythesmelly



Category: The Host - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alien/Human Relationships, Multi, Original Character(s), Polyamory, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:09:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 26,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25992661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilythesmelly/pseuds/emilythesmelly
Summary: Alli Cabral is still human. She lost her home, her job, and her fiance to the alien invasion, but she hasn't lost herself. There is a small pocket of safety in the Arizona desert, and she's doing the best she can with what they have left.Sings of Light thought that Earth would be the perfect planet: sunshine and movement and sound. However, when his host lingers in his mind, the utopia cracks. Drew Prescott should have faded away, but his time inside their shared head effects complicated feelings in Sings of Light. He finds himself falling in love with his human host and with his host's human fiance, Alli. But she's out of reach, and his affection goes against his species' culture.Until he gets kidnapped and finds himself spirited away to the desert, face-to-face with Alli among a human resistance. Could she possibly come to care for the alien who stole Drew away from her? How long can Drew stand to be so close to Alli and unable to reach out to her? Can he keep her safe from others who would erase her?
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	1. Alli

What a cruel joke Jeb was playing. So incredibly cruel to bring that thing back here just because it wore his niece. Jamie's sister. Jared's love. _Melanie_. Cruel.

And Jeb was not usually cruel. He was gruff and odd, sure, but he was a survivalist who had built a hideout in the Arizona desert. Of course he was odd. But this?

I shuddered as I played recent events over and over in my mind. The way that the body had lurched toward Jared. The pain and joy and relief in the sound of his name on its lips. The crack of his hand against its face, and the crack of its face against the stone, and the crack of Jared's soul as he saw it wearing the person he loved most. Its fear and pain and habit of retreating into Jeb's shadow for protection.

Jared refusing to give it to Doc.

It seemed like Jared was being uncharacteristically stupid. As Jeb was not usually cruel, Jared was not usually stupid. He was a master at navigating the outside world on supply runs because he was smart and quick and practical. Keeping this thing here was not practical. It would be practical to give it to Doc so that he could try again to save the human race, or it would be practical like Jared said to give it a clean death by bullet. Locking it up down here with us was not practical.

But uncertainty needled at me. Would I have done differently? If a parasite wearing Drew's body had shown up here, could I have sent it off to Doc? Could I have asked Jeb to shoot it? Would I have stupidly held onto hope like Jared was doing?

Kyle saw me in the tunnel entrance as I mulled over these questions. He came over. "Fucked up, right?"

I nodded. "Very." I did not mention my reservations or my questions. With or without them, the whole situation was fucked.

"Can't believe Jeb would bring one of those things down here," he said, and I saw the anger rising in him like an old friend.

I saw the tightness of the fists by his sides and asked, "You gonna do something stupid?"

The anger flashed momentarily at me, but then Kyle scoffed. "Not stupid. _Necessary_." He eyed me. "You could help. It's not just me."

I did not hesitate. "No." He seemed ready to proselytize, so I added, "I don't want Jeb to shoot me or Jared to hate me. Both are likely. I'm not going to stop you because I don't want to, but I don't want either of those things, either."

He was angry again for another moment, but he couldn't argue with my logic, so he nodded. He clapped me on the shoulder, which was something he did sometimes because he was not a hugger like his brother could be. This pseudo-violence was the closest Kyle could come to an affectionate touch, and he had deemed me worthy of it a while ago. I wondered if he had been like this with Jodi, his girl who had been taken from him by the parasites. Had theirs also been a relationship punctuated by romance-adjacent aggression, or had Kyle been different then? Had her loss changed him, taken the ability to be gentle and soft from his body?

Drew had always been gentle. Soft. I could not imagine him clapping someone on the shoulder like Kyle. God, they were so different.

When the touch had gone on long enough, Kyle slunk off toward whomever else he had enlisted for his assassination. I watched him go, sighed, shook my head, and then went off to do my daily chores. Plausible deniability.


	2. Alli

Ian sat down across from me with his own plate of bread and bowl of soup.

I raised an eyebrow. "How was the tour?"

He met my slightly amused gaze for a long moment before he shrugged. "Fine."

I put both my elbows on the stone table in front of me, put my chin in my hands, and waited for him to elaborate. Now that Jared and Kyle and the others were gone, apparently Jeb thought that the alien ought to be welcome in our midst because he'd brought her through the kitchen. Ian had followed after Jeb, Jamie, and the alien wearing Melanie Stryder during lunch. He and Doc had gone, out of some morbid curiosity, I supposed. Ian had, after all, been an integral part of Kyle's assassination attempt when it had first arrived. I saw the bruises left on her throat by his hands this afternoon. Something was changing in Ian, though. He no longer seemed intent on killing it, and I wanted to know a bit more about what was going on inside his head.

His voice was quiet enough that he would not be casually overheard by the other humans in the kitchen. "She's quiet," Ian said, taking a bite of bread and shrugging. I noted the pronoun change.  _ She _ had been an  _ it _ to him not long ago. "She clung to Jamie and Jeb the whole time." He was self-aware as he said, "Afraid of being jumped in the dark, I think."

"By you specifically," I agreed.

"Well, by Doc too, I think," he countered. "The tour went to Doc's place, and she froze up like we'd led her to the slaughter. Shook like a leaf."

I  _ hmm _ ed thoughtfully. I wasn't sure if she knew what exactly waited for her under Doc's knife, but she was clever enough to know it would not be good. "So she's smart," I said, matter-of-factly.

Ian nodded his agreement as he downed some more soup. "Sounds it. Doesn't know how their alien medicine works, though. Said it was because she never had an interest." He was quiet for a long moment. When he shook his head, I raised an eyebrow. He sighed. "She said they come here to experience, not change." He gestured around as if the world outside was on display down here in these caves. "This feels pretty damn changed, don't you think?"

I leaned back, thinking about the outside world that no longer fought, that was no longer filled with noise and friction and garbage and every other messy part of life. It was not the world that it was when they invaded. "Pretty damn changed," I agreed. I nodded down to Ian's newly empty plate. "Wanna help me out with dish duty?"


	3. Alli

Things were different. Not all the way different.  _ Wanda  _ was not yet part of our community, really, but Jeb had stopped wearing his gun around. And Ian had taken on part of the onus of her protection. Originally out of guilt, he'd said, but I thought things were changing inside him as well as inside the caves. I didn't mention it.

I did stop Jeb one afternoon after lunch. Ian and Wanda were heading off to continue their work in the field, and I caught Jeb's arm before he could follow after. "Anything I can do for you, Alli?" he asked cordially.

I jerked my chin after Ian and Wanda. "I was thinking about it, and I got pretty sure that no one gave the new girl a talk about periods in underground caves." Jeb stiffened, and I laughed. "Yeah, didn't think so. I thought  _ maybe _ Doc, seeing as he's a doctor, but even that seemed like a stretch."

With a face burning red beneath his beard, Jeb asked, "You volunteering?"

I shrugged. "I don't think anyone else is gonna do it." He stared at me for another moment, sizing me up probably. I shook my head. "Look, I don't have any particular love for the alien living with us during the alien invasion, but I'm not gonna hurt her. At the absolute least, I don't want you or Jared to shoot me." I grinned up at him.

He snorted and nodded. "Alright. You can take bathroom duty tonight." And then he followed after Ian and Wanda for the afternoon's work.

After dinner and after cleaning up my things, I made my way to the room that Jared and Jamie used to share. Jamie was sitting on the mattress talking to Wanda. He looked up at me in surprise. "Alli? What are you doing here?"

I watched with curious attention as Wanda seemed to straighten protectively in front of the boy, then said, "I'm on bathroom duty tonight, kid." When they both hesitated, I said, "I can go get Jeb if you want. He signed off on it."

There was another moment of hesitation, and then Wanda stood. She nodded to Jamie. "It's alright.” She didn't sound like she believed that. “I'll go."

_ Man, we've done a number on her already, huh _ ? I thought. I wondered if she knew that I was close with Ian, if she thought about that fact now that she was agreeing to be alone with me. I wondered if that would make her nervous or bring her comfort. I wondered if she knew about my closeness with Kyle, and I doubted that that would bring her comfort in this situation. Did she know me by observation, as I was beginning to know her? She was taller than me by far, and having seen her work in the fields I knew her body was strong. She could have taken me in a fight, if she'd been human. I was certain of that. She was in no physical danger from me, really, but I supposed that anyone could kill a victim who wouldn't fight back.

"I'll be waiting here," Jamie assured her.

I moved aside so that Wanda could come through the doorway and poked my head back in the room. "I'll bring her back in one piece, kid. Don't worry. It's just time for some girl talk: things I promise you don't want to be a part of." Then Jamie's face got red, and I snickered, and Wanda and I started walking through the stone tunnels toward our makeshift bathrooms.

She allowed us to walk in silence for a long way. I didn't object until we were nearly at our destination.

I cleared my throat. "So, girl talk." I couldn't see her well in the darkness of the tunnel, but I heard the stutter in her footsteps. "You've been here for a while now, so I wanted to catch this conversation before it really became a problem. Have you had your period since you've been here?"

Again, I could not see her, but I heard the awkwardness in the rhythm of her breathing. "No," she said, voice small.

I nodded to myself. "Alright. Now, you might not actually get it at all while you're down here. We're all pretty malnourished on the whole, so your body might prioritize and put your womb at the bottom of that list. A lot of us don't get them at all, and when we do they're usually just spotty attempts at a period. But, on the off-chance you  _ do  _ bleed down here, I wanted to tell you all about survivalist menstrual products."

We came into a patch of artificial light, and I looked over to gauge her reaction. Her face was red, but mostly her eyes were intent on me.

I stopped walking, and then so did she. "What?"

She looked away. "Sorry." But when I waited for her real answer, she relented. She said, "I just... Why? Why are you doing this for me?"

I shrugged. "That's a tricky question to answer in one-fell-swoop," I started with a bit of a sigh. "Well, first off, I don't find periods particularly uncomfortable to talk about. Maybe it's because I was a piercer, maybe I was a piercer because of it, but, I don't know, bodies are just bodies. Kinda makes me the right guy for the job by default. And I guess I don't want to address this after you bleed through your only pants and panic because the only people who talk to you are men, and all men are just boys when it comes to menstruation. I can just imagine-" I stopped, movement catching my eye coming down the tunnel. "Oh, speak of the devil."

Ian sauntered down the tunnel in our direction, and his surprise at seeing the two of us together showed plainly on his face. "What are you two up to?" he asked slowly.

I gave Wanda one quick, conspiratorial glance, and then I said to Ian, "We're talking about periods."

The change in my friend was instantaneous and honestly comical. It was the greatest taboo, and the negative, visceral response in his body was instinctive. He muttered, "Okay. Good-night." And then he shuffled quickly away.

"Wow," Wanda breathed, staring into the dark after him. "You're right."

I nodded. "I know." I laughed, and she managed a smile. "So, yeah, it seemed like something that had to happen and like I was probably the right person for the job." I shrugged again, and when I started moving again she followed. "Look, I don't know what I  _ believe _ . I don't know who you are or why you're here or... or if Jeb and Jamie are right, but I think you're pretty harmless, and I don't think you led the invasion, so I might as well tell you how to deal with the blood that may or may not come out of your vagina down here." I cocked my head in the dark. "Is it weird for you to talk about? You've had a whole bunch of bodies; do their natural processes make you uncomfortable or is it just part of the job?"

"I..." She seemed to be considering the question. "It's not like it is for humans, but I have memories of being embarrassed."

I wished that I could see her face in the dark. "So it's like residual awkwardness? From Melanie?"

"Huh, yes. That's the right way to put it." There was a moment of quiet as I considered what this meant on a grander scale, but then Wanda asked, "So, what  _ do  _ you do down here?"

"Oh, right," I said as we reached the edges of the lights outside the bathroom caves. "Well, I think you can see why disposable pads and tampons aren't really an option. No way to get rid of them other than just chucking them in the river, and that's pretty bad for the environment. Plus, no way to get new ones. You know the boys aren't out there stealing tampons." I took a moment to relish the mental image of Jared and Kyle sneaking around a store at night, leaning over rows of tampon boxes and pads, trying to figure out which size and brand would be right for the women back here. Wanda even chuckled as a similar scene played out in her head. "So, most of us use cloth pads. I can get you some just in case. You use 'em pretty much like regular pads, but there's a clasp instead of sticky wings. I actually use a cup, but I had that with me when shit went down. That's another thing that the boys aren't keen on getting for us. Plus, if you've never used one before, there's a learning curve that just isn't worth it when you bleed this little."

She nodded like a good student. "Okay." There was feeling in her eyes, those weird, unnatural silver eyes, when she said, "Thank you."

I shrugged. "Sure." I nodded toward the bathroom, but before she could go I said, "Wait." She turned immediately back. "I just...  _ Wanda _ ? Why 'Wanda'?"

This seemed to strike her as an easier question than what she'd expected. She said, "Oh, Jeb chose it." When my brows furrowed, she continued, "My name when I first arrived here was Wanderer."

"Huh. Do you prefer Wanda? Or did Jeb do that old white man thing where someone else's name is too hard so he just anglicized and shortened it?"

She considered, and then she shook her head. "No, I like Wanda. I don't know if I prefer it, but it...  _ Wanda _ has a place here that  _ Wanderer _ doesn't. It makes me feel a little more accepted."

I thought about it, and I wasn't sure if I'd see it that way in her shoes. I'd want to be accepted for who I was, not a sanitized version of myself, but it seemed cruel to take this away from her. "Okay. Wanda it still is."

She was about to enter the bathroom cave, but this time she hesitated. She turned back to me. "Uhh, can I ask you another question?"

"I don't see why not. Is it a hard question?"

She smiled. "No. I don't think so." She gestured to my arm. "Can I ask about your tattoo?"

I sighed, but the negativity was self-directed. "Ironic, huh?" I lifted my arm and twisted it so that the sleeve could be better inspected: the mountains wrapped around my wrist, the sun on my shoulder, and the space between filled with planets and a swirling galaxy and stars and inky black void. "I always liked the idea of space. Infinity stretching out unseen, filled with infinite possibility utterly beyond comprehension. We are tiny and insignificant out here, but so is everything in the face of the infinite. A whole planet or solar system doesn't mean all that much more than I do, in the grand scheme of things. The grandest scheme." My expression soured. "And then aliens came and stole our planet and my fiance and my life. I have a whole arm dedicated to the thing that took everything from me." I met her eyes. Was there guilt there? Was this the first she'd heard about Drew? I didn't want an apology or a platitude, so I brandished my thigh. "Now I like the jellyfish better. No brain, all chill. Self-defense without intention: self-preservation."

Maybe she sensed that I was done talking about it and that I didn't want any kind of response from her because she nodded and disappeared into the darkness of the cave.

I let loose a deep sigh that I hoped was swallowed up by the sound of the river.  _ Ironic, huh? Stuck down here talking to and living with an alien during the alien invasion. _ And then I thought again, as I couldn't seem to stop thinking,  _ What if it had been Drew? _


	4. Alli

I was later to dinner than pretty much everyone else. I blamed a pair of pants that were so close to being done that I might as well stay and finish them. Because of this, most plates were near empty by the time I entered the kitchen. I grabbed my own food, sat down across from Ian, and jerked my chin at Wanda. "So, I've got a question for you," I said, and she looked at me in surprise. Yesterday, Doc had asked questions of the soul. They had been a targeted, artificial attempt to get her to integrate more into the community, I inferred, and I assumed that Jeb was behind it. I had my own questions, and I thought that questions after mealtimes would become a regular thing now, so I didn't hesitate.

The gathered humans quieted, listening. Wanda said in a meek voice, "What is it?"

Ian was watching me curiously as I said, "Ian told me you guys come here to 'experience, not change.' Those were your words?"

She looked in surprise at Ian, as though perhaps she hadn't realized he'd listened that closely. His expression remained blankly interested. She turned her silver eyes back to me. "Yes, I think those were my words."

I frowned. "So, how does that work? Because humans  _ are _ change. You interrupted us at the beginning of our technological revolution. Does that innovation stop because human minds are no longer behind it? You have spaceships and alien medicine and all kinds of other stuff, so I assume you guys are well past us technologically. If you already know the answers, do you stop asking our questions? Does Earth crystalize in the twenty-first century? Because that feels pretty changed."

The room was silent as I took a bite of my bread, waiting for an answer. I caught a look from Jeb which was particularly interested. Ian shook his head slowly, but a smile tugged at his lips. Jamie seemed to sense the small burst of renewed anger at the invasion and looked nervously at Wanda.

For her part, she seemed to be considering the question thoughtfully. Her voice was still soft when she answered, "You're right, in many ways. I haven't been here long, comparatively, but I think change  _ is _ an essential part of humanity." She took another pause as she considered. "Perhaps I should not have phrased it like that. We... We come to experience your world, not specifically your species. The changes that we implement - and we  _ do _ implement changes, of course - are to preserve the world as it is when we arrive, or to change it so that it survives longer than it might on its current path."

"Will you eventually bring us technology we don't yet have? Things you've created or scavenged on other planets?" I pressed.

She nodded. "Yes, but we will still be thoughtful about the landscape we create with the technology we introduce." She shrugged apologetically. "I suppose it is a little like stasis, when you put it that way. We've settled planets at all different stages of evolution, and we change them all, but for many reasons we are careful about the changes we make."

Jamie's voice was incongruously excited in the tense atmosphere as he cut in, "Do you think we'll ever have virtual reality or flying cars?"

Wanda smiled and shook her head. "No, I don't think so."

"But do you have those things on other planets?" Doc asked, leaning forward.

As Wanda explained the devices and technologies most similar to these human concepts, I caught Jeb's eye again. He gave me a nod, apparently approving of my conversation starter despite its rocky beginning. I gave him a small nod back. I was still not happy to be a rebel in an alien invasion, but I could live with this alien.


	5. Alli

I was leaning in Kyle and Ian's makeshift door frame when footsteps started to sound at the end of the hallway. I looked up. Jared and Kyle were at the front of the pack, but many of the other men who had gone on the supply run were filtering in from their trip to the baths.

Kyle raised an eyebrow. "What are you doing here, Alli?" he asked, no warmth in his voice. He'd seen me stand with Wanda in the kitchen, and he was not happy that neither I nor his brother were on his side.

I pushed off from the stone and stood in the hallway with my hands on my hips. "I'm here to keep you from doing something stupid," I replied, and then I looked at everyone else gathered. " _ All  _ of you. Jeb will absolutely shoot you if you try anything." I locked eyes with Jared, and the anger simmering in his gaze was frightening. "You included."

"You can't tell me you actually  _ like  _ that thing?" Brandt asked in disgust.

I shrugged. "She's fine." I didn't think Wanda and I would ever be super close, but I had nothing against her, and if my friendship with Ian was going to continue I was going to have to get used to her. Many faces in front of me snarled. I continued with a roll of my eyes, "She's fine, and most importantly she's not a threat. It's literally in her DNA to be harmless. She-"

Aaron cut in, "You won't be saying that when it sells us out to the Seekers."

I glared at him. "First of all, she'd have to get out and make it back to civilization to even have the opportunity, and she's not doing that on her own. I've never seen her even think about searching for the exit. And, second, we could walk her through the exit with flashlights and give her a car and a map and she'd turn around and come back in."

Jared sneered. "Yeah right. None of those parasites will be happy until there are no more of us left."

I rolled my eyes. "Not that you'd know, because you've never actually talked to her, but she's not here to turn the people from her memories over to the Seekers so they can be erased and replaced by other souls. Even if her attachment to you was just physical - just her new body remembering and wanting yours," I said, and I watched the revulsion and grief battle in Jared's eyes, "it's not like that with Jamie. She's not here for Jamie's body, boy inside replaced by another alien stranger."

Kyle pushed past me, unconvinced. Jared met my stare. He said, tone even and cold and angry, "What if it had been Drew?" Everyone in the hallway reacted. I was not the only one who had lost someone I loved to the invasion, but I was the only one here who had accepted the alien that had come into our home, and Jared brandished Drew's name like a guilt-tipped blade. "Would you want it here, knowing what it took from you?"

I held his gaze, chin not dipping a fraction. He was so much taller than I was; everyone in this hallway had like a foot on me. I said evenly, "If it was the soul inside Drew who had walked across the desert and nearly died to find  _ me _ , I'd want to know why. And if it had been Drew's body that you'd brought home from your supply run, I'd want the chance to talk to him, and I hope my head wouldn't be so far up my own ass that I couldn't hear what he said to me." These words seemed to hit Jared's armor, but the dent they made was small. I shook my head. "I delivered my warning. Do what you want. Just know that Jeb will shoot you for her, and if you heard this warning and ignored it then I won't be sad." I pushed through the large, male bodies still crowded in the hall and left.


	6. Sings of Light

Drew wanted us to fight back. He wanted to struggle against our captor and break free of their hold. What he was forgetting was that I could never and that he  _ had _ never, either. This body did not have the instincts necessary to fight back against a skilled captor. And they were certainly skilled. We were bound and blindfolded in moments, and then we were being carted off.

We both had a sinking suspicion that it was a Seeker. What I had done with Drew was a betrayal of our way of life, and somehow the Seekers had found out and sent someone to find me. They would take me out of Drew and they would retire his difficult body and we would be separated forever.

I didn't want it to be a Seeker.

There was a growl in my ear. "Don't say anything." Masculine, low, rough. "And don't move."

Unable to fight and unwilling to incriminate myself, I did as he asked. I didn't know where I was, didn't know who was around. I was jostled up against a wall: rough, stone maybe. I leaned against it while I waited for something to happen.

There was a gasp from someone other than my captor, and then low whispers exchanged between them. I couldn't make them out, though my ears strained to their limit.

_ What are they doing? _ Drew asked, but I had no answer for him. If these were the Seekers, they were being uncharacteristically secretive. Seekers were many things, but secretive was not one of them. They were straight-forward to the point of irritation sometimes.

I lost track of time as we waited for something to happen. I was only sure that we had not been abandoned because, every few minutes our companion would make a small sound.

And then there was a distinctly feminine gasp, and the blindfold came off, and there was Alli.

My mouth fell open. Drew's shock was loud in my head, and I blurted out, "Alli! Alli? What-?"

Alli Cabral stared at me.  _ Alli  _ was standing here, undeniably still human, and she was staring at me.

She was silent.

She looked at the man who stood beside me. He was an imposing figure: tall and muscular, brown hair and eyes, tan skin, stern expression. Utterly human as well, I realized with surprise and no small amount of fear. Seekers would have been bad, but this might have been worse. "I found it when I got pinned down out there." I didn't know what had pinned him down, but I knew instinctively that I was "it." He cocked an eyebrow. "You said you'd want the opportunity." There was a deep bitterness in his voice, something cruel.

She held his gaze for a long moment, measuring his cruelty and perhaps knowing the reason behind it. Then she nodded. "Thank you, Jared." She gestured behind her. "Go give Doc that morphine. But," she said, stopping him before he could disappear, "could you get someone to send Jeb this way? Please?"

I realized for the first time that we were underground. We were in a tunnel carved roughly of a slightly purple stone with no natural light, and I was sure that it was still the middle of the day. I couldn't hear anything like civilization, and I knew that the human man had taken me far, but I thought we must still be somewhere in Arizona.

When I was finished inspecting my surroundings, I noticed Alli was staring at me.  _ What do we do?  _ I asked Drew.

Drew's desire to tell her about his presence was strong, but so was the knowledge that we couldn't. She'd never believe it. Humans didn't know human minds could coexist with souls. Souls didn't know either, which always put us in a bit of a predicament.  _ She'll think you're telling her what she wants to hear, _ Drew said. We didn't know what would happen if Alli thought we were lying, but we'd felt Jared's rough hands, and neither of us had a lot of hope.

_ So what do we do? _ I repeated, standing silently and watching Alli scrutinize every move I made.

Before Drew or I could think of an answer, Alli let out a long sigh. She jerked her chin at me and asked coolly, "What's your name?" Surprise must have shown on my face because she continued, "You're not Drew, but you do have a name."

"They call me Sings of Light," I said, stuttering a little on the words. I watched her turn the name over in her mind. I wondered if she knew what it meant, if she knew where I'd come from as any soul who met me would.

She nodded to herself once, then she leaned up against the stone wall and slid to a sitting position on the floor. She curled her knees in to her chin and said, "I don't know if it's obvious, but I can't let you leave."

I swallowed, sitting against the wall across from her. I nodded, looking away. Of course I couldn't leave now. If any Seeker asked where I'd been, I would have to give up the location of this pocket of human resistance. They would ask me to give up Alli.

I was no liar, but would I be able to live with myself if I sent Alli off to be erased?


	7. Alli

I watched him. Every breath, every twitch, every shift.

It was Drew. It was Drew, but it was  _ not  _ Drew. It was a soul, a parasite wearing his body.

The words should have been venomous, but they'd lost their edge. Was that how I thought about Wanda? The soul inside Melanie Stryder did not act like a parasite, like a leech misusing the girl's body. She seemed like a person, and a meek, peaceful one at that. I had a hard time hating Wanda.

But this soul was inside  _ Drew _ .  _ My  _ Drew. Whatever lurked inside this familiar body was the reason my fiance had been taken from me.

Jamie and Jeb thought that Melanie was still lurking inside Wanda's head. I didn't know if I believed that. What was worse: I didn't know if I wanted Drew to still be inside this body, or if I wanted his mind to have faded away. In some ways, it would have been easier if he was gone. In others...

He kept his eyes averted. Those blue eyes that had once looked at me with love and affection but that had been tarnished by otherworldly silver stared down at his lap. Every now and then, though, they flashed up at me. Furtive, guilty glances, I thought, but was I reading too much into it? I could have been.

But what if I wasn't?

We sat there in silence for a long time.

Jared had brought him to me. Jared had been faced with Wanderer and Melanie and had been ready to kill her it had hurt him so badly, but he had seen and recognized Drew from the photos in my room and brought him to me. I wondered who in the tunnels knew. I wondered who would be on my side, if the same people who had come to accept Wanda would accept Sings of Light the same way or if he would have to win them over all on his own.

When Jeb finally arrived, he stopped in the middle of the tunnel. He stared down at me and at Sings of Light. His poker face was good, but not  _ that _ good. "Hey, Alli," was all he said.

I pushed myself to my feet, and so did Sings of Light. "Jared not tell you?"

He shook his head. "He sent Wes to tell me you needed to talk to me." And Jared had not taken the time to explain the situation to Wes, of course. Perhaps that was why it had taken so long. He now turned fully to Sings of Light. "And you are?"

He seemed surprised at Jeb's civility. It  _ was  _ a little off-putting sometimes, honestly. "I'm Sings of Light." Jeb did the calculations as well, and I thought he was smart enough to guess Singing World. "You're Jeb?"

Jeb smiled amiably. "That's right. This is my home you're in." He turned back to me. "Alli?"

I sighed, my eyes flashing involuntarily to the man who used to be my fiance. I said, "He can't leave." Jeb nodded, and when I looked over Sings of Light didn't seem all that surprised or anxious about the possibility of staying here. I tucked that away for further inspection. "I'm not putting him in the storage tunnel." Melanie Stryder's body could barely fit in that tiny hole that they'd made into a cell; Drew's body would never fit. Jeb nodded. "I think my room will be fine." I was no longer worried about being attacked by any souls; even Seekers tried nonviolence before violence, and Sings of Light did not strike me as a Seeker.

Jeb also seemed unworried about the idea of putting up another soul in the residential tunnels. "Alright."

There was a part of me that wished this was harder; if the logistics were more difficult, maybe the emotional decisions wouldn't loom quite so large in my future. But Jeb was waiting for me to continue, for me to take charge of the accommodations for the body that "belonged to me." So I said, "Can you just... keep people away? For now, at least. And maybe send... send Ian or Jamie or maybe Trudy up with dinner? I don't want... to brave the kitchen, you know?"

Jeb patted me on the arm. "Of course, kid." His voice was serious when he asked, "You want the gun?"

I watched as Sings of Light paled, but I nodded. "Yeah. Kyle's still around. I'll keep it nearby." I added, because it seemed germane, "I'm a pretty light sleeper."

"Alright." He seemed ready to turn away, but then he turned back. His voice was low and soft when he said, "You know that it is probably Walter's last day."

I nodded. "Yeah. I saw the package of morphine Jared brought." I sighed. "He'd understand, wouldn't he?" Jeb nodded. Some kind of ceremony would be had as a funeral for Walter, but it wouldn't be safe to take Sings of Light out of the tunnels for it and it wouldn't be safe to leave him down here alone, so I would have to miss it. "Throw an extra handful of dirt for me, okay?"

Jeb nodded and disappeared down the dark tunnel.

I turned back to Sings of Light, and it struck me all over again how his face was Drew's face and his body was Drew's body. I steeled myself and said, "So, I'm gonna bring you to my room until... until I figure out what to do with you, actually."


	8. Sings of Light

Alli's room was small. It was made of that same, purple-ish stone and carved into an irregular, imperfect square. There was a queen-size mattress on the floor with a handful of mismatched blankets, and I wasn't sure how they'd gotten such a large mattress in here through the other tunnels. The room was not elaborately decorated by any means, but the clothes scattered on the floor gave it a homier feel than it should have had, and there were a couple framed photographs on stone ledges.

They were of Drew. My face beamed next to Alli's equally happy grin. One was of the engagement party, Alli sitting on Drew's lap and smiling. One had been taken by another tattoo artist when Alli had been getting her jellyfish and had been squeezing Drew's hand tight enough to stop blood flow. One was at Christmas a couple years before the invasion; Drew had worn a horribly ugly sweater, and Alli had dressed up in an extra fancy dress.

I was leaned over these photos when I heard Alli say from behind me, "You can remember all those days, right?"

I turned, and Alli was leaning against the wall just inside the doorway. The doorway itself did not have a door; instead, the room was separated from the hallway by a curtain made of a funky-patterned canvas in addition to an even funkier beaded curtain. I nodded. "Yes." Even a conventional soul had access to their host's memories.

"Do you have... all his memories?" When I nodded again, she sighed and slid down the wall so that she was sitting with her knees tucked in to her chest. She put the gun on the ground beside her. "What happened to him? How did...  _ you _ happen to him?"

_ Tell her _ , Drew urged.  _ She deserves to know, to not just wonder why I never made it back. _

I sat down on the foot of the mattress; Alli didn't seem to mind. I took a breath and tried to be delicate. "It was just bad luck. He did everything..." I could not say "right" because that might tell Alli too much about my allegiances. "On any other day, at any other time, he would not have been found." Alli's brows tightened further. "The souls who lived in the home Drew chose were away on a vacation. They were visiting distant family." My Healer and the Seeker assigned to me in the early days of my assimilation had told me as much. "Their neighbors saw Drew inside through a window, and they knew that the family was away. They were not going to report it." Souls were, by nature, trusting. They would not have assumed the worst like a human or a Seeker would. They would have considered the possibility that Drew was a friend taking care of the home or another soul making a simple mistake. "But there was a Seeker who happened to be patrolling the area. The soul asked the Seeker to investigate. They... If it had been a soul inside instead of a human... But Drew ran and gave himself away, and they caught him."

"And then they put you inside," she said, her voice hard but not broken. We were worried about hurting her, but this hurt had already been done, and she was ready for the truth. She was strong enough for it.

I nodded. "Yes. I..." I debated whether or not I ought to say this to her, but I'd already started, and she was watching me so intently, and I  _ wanted  _ to be talking to her, so I said, "I was open to older hosts. Some souls prefer only to take hosts when they're young, but my last childhood was... I wasn't ready for adolescence again."

Alli's face remained closed off from me. "Did they question you? Ask you to betray us by digging through Drew's memories?"

My cheeks heated. "Uhh, yes. I mean, they  _ did _ ask, but you and Drew covered your tracks well. There was nothing useful for me to give." Drew and Alli had had a complex system for meeting back up with each other after supply runs, and it had been different in each location they visited, and by the time I had been able to explain it Alli had been gone because Drew had been gone. I would have given the information to the Seekers then if I had had it, I was sure. I hadn't been in love with Alli then. Even if my body might have longed for hers in my first memories coming to consciousness, it would have been solely physical. I would have agreed with every other soul that Alli and a soul in Alli's body would be the same, that I would be better off with a soul inside her rather than her because humans were so violent.

I would have been a fool.

I thought I finally saw a chip in Alli's armor, and it looked like relief and pain muddled together, and I wanted so badly to comfort her with my words or with my touch, but I knew that neither would be a comfort to her right now.

But then she slid the armor back into place, and she raised an eyebrow. "Don't like being a kid, huh?" I have her half a grin in reply. "Where were you before this?"

I explained the Singing World to her, the blindness and the music and the flight. I told her about our family structures. I told her about friends that I'd had. I told her about the Plant World that I had been born onto, about stationary life and about sunlight. "I left the Plant World because I wanted to  _ move _ , and flight on the Singing World seemed like the perfect antidote, but I loved sunlight too much, which I didn't realize until I'd lost my ability to appreciate it, so when this planet became an option, I decided to come here and see if it was the right balance of movement and sunlight."

"Is it?" she asked, and she sounded genuinely curious. She'd listened so patiently through my explanations, and now she was asking more questions about me that had nothing to do with Drew, and though he was a little jealous we both knew that this was a step in the right direction.

I shrugged. "Earth is... vibrant, and not just externally. Humans are...  _ vibrant _ too." I wondered if she could see in my eyes that I meant that she and Drew were both so wonderfully vibrant, if she knew by the tone of my voice that I loved them both.

Drew's answering warmth was laced with apprehension and attention, but I held onto it.

She held my gaze for a long,  _ long _ moment, and then she sighed and let her forehead drop against her knees. She groaned and, to herself, muttered, "What the fuck am I doing?"


	9. Alli

Sings of Light didn't say anything else. He let me sit in silence. Maybe I shouldn't have been surprised. Wanda had been quiet for a long time before warming up to us; clearly souls could manage not talking. But he'd also not been afraid of speaking to me. He'd told me at least as much about the Singing World and the Plant World as Wanda had in her time here, and he hadn't been shy with information about himself, either.

Did he love me, like Wanda loved Jared? Or would he prefer if I had a soul inside me, erasing my identity while preserving my body? He didn't seem to want to leave, seemed to be unconcerned about the idea of being stuck here with me.

_ Drew is not still in there. _ I couldn't let myself even think it, because if I asked myself the question, I would have to hope, and if I hoped and it all came to nothing, I would break. I could not do this again.

Someone cleared their throat in the doorway, and I looked up to see Ian standing with two trays of food. I let out a sigh of relief. "Ian." I stood and took the trays from him. I put my own down where I had been sitting, and I handed the other to Sings of Light.

"Thank you," he said, and it sounded like he was surprised we were feeding him.

I nodded. "It's not much, but it's what we've got," I said, though it was more than we usually had thanks to the recent raid. I turned back to Ian, who still leaned in the doorway. He raised an eyebrow. I sighed. "Ian, this is Sings of Light. Sings of Light, this is Ian."

"It's nice to meet you," Sings said, and I saw him think about standing but the tray on his lap kept him on the mattress.

I watched as Ian did the same calculations that I had and came to the conclusion "Singing World" too. He gave an amused smile to the soul wearing my fiance. "Hi." Ian turned back to me. "You okay?"

I rolled my eyes and jerked my chin out the door. Ian and I left Sings alone in my room and stood in the hallway. Without hesitation, I leaned into Ian and he wrapped his arms around me. I groaned. "What am I doing, Ian?"

He patted my back. "It'll be alright," he said quietly. "How is he?"

I groaned quietly again. "Good, I think. He's talking to me and he seems... I don't know, like a soul. Kind, to a fault. Soft." I shrugged against his chest.

Ian paused. His voice was cautious as he asked, "Do you think he... What do you think he wants? I know Jared brought him here, but..."

"He doesn't seem concerned that he can't leave," was the only thing I felt confident saying.  _ Drew is not still in there _ .

Ian pulled back so that he could scrutinize my face. I couldn't imagine he would like what he saw there. "Does he know about Wanda?"

I shook my head quickly. "No. I don't want... I want to come to my own conclusions before... I think knowing about her and then knowing her will change things, and I... It seems like I should have some ideas of my own without that influencing things."

Ian nodded. "I'll follow your lead."

I leaned back into his chest. "Thanks," I said, and my voice was muffled in his shirt. "Speaking of, is she still with Walter? Is he...?"

"Doc gave him one dose of the morphine. She's going to rest. Doc's... not going to let him come out of it." He sensed that I was about to speak, and he said quickly, "Don't feel guilty. You know where he stood. And, in pain and confusion, he's been down there screaming for the wife he lost. There's no world in which he would be mad at you for being here."

My exhale was long. "Thanks."

Ian let me lean against him for a long moment, then he patted my shoulder. "Come on, I ought to go. I wanna be there with Wanda when... well, it's not going to be easy for her."

When I looked up into his eyes, a truth passed between us. I nodded. "Good luck," I said, and the words were charged.

He took them with a nod, and then he turned, but he didn’t leave yet. He asked in a hushed voice, "Can I ask you a favor?"

"What is it?"

His face scrunched up with reluctance as he asked, "Can I borrow the gun?"

My brows shot up. "Why?"

"I... can’t really say, but I have a feeling my brother’s gonna do something stupid, and I want to be able to stop him before it’s too late. I won’t take it if you feel like you-"

"No, let me get it," I said pulling back the curtain and pulling the gun off the floor. Ian took it with only minor reluctance. "I have my switchblade. I’ll be fine." It was a relic from my college days living as a young woman in the city, and it had been invaluable in the alien invasion.

Ian nodded and smiled at me. "Thanks, Alli." He left, gun in hand.

I slid back inside my room that had become a cell. Sings of Light had not eaten. I sighed. "What's wrong?" I jerked my chin at his full plate.

His cheeks turned pink. Drew's cheeks. He'd always been quick to blush. "I... I was waiting for you. It seemed rude to eat without you."

I rolled my eyes and slid down onto the ground beside my own tray. "Well, I'm here now, so eat. I don't know how often people are going to disrupt their days to bring us food."

He nodded and started picking at the bread he'd been given. He made no comments for a long time, but then he asked, "Is something wrong? You mentioned morphine." Apparently my answering gaze was hostile because he looked quickly away. "Sorry. You don't have to talk about it."

"I..." I sighed. "Sorry. No, it's fine." With effort, I adjusted my expression to be less hostile. "A man who lives here is dying." Horror came over Sings's face. Over Drew's face. It hurt. "He's old. Real old. It's probably bone cancer, but we're not sure, and we don't have any way to check. Not that it really matters now. Whatever it is, we can't fix it. Jared got enough morphine to let him go out painlessly. It'll happen soon."

"I'm sorry," he said, and it sounded like he meant it.

"Save it," I said weakly. "Unless you caused it or there's something you can do to fix it, don't bother."

He seemed to almost smile at this. Remembering, probably. I'd always been this way, at least since Drew had known me. I didn't like empty apologies; they were just a way of emphasizing guilt for no reason. The soul in front of me seemed to be struggling against the desire to apologize and the desire to please me. Instead, he ventured, "I wish there was something I could do to help, but I don't know any healing."

I shrugged. "Even if you did, I doubt anyone would let you."

His brows furrowed. "Even if it could save this man's life?"

I nodded. "They don't know you, and they sure as Hell don't trust you. Better that he die human than live as a soul."

This seemed to hurt his feelings, but he didn't protest. Instead, he turned back to the food in his lap.

We were both finished eating by the time he spoke again. He cleared his throat. "You, uhh, seem like you and Ian are close."

A leading statement. I raised an eyebrow, and his face flushed pink. I said, "I've known him for a while now. He's my closest friend here."

Did he relax at the sound of "friend" on my lips unaccompanied by "boy"? I couldn't be sure. He nodded, considered, and then said, "Can I ask what happened to  _ you _ ? After... After Drew was taken by the Seekers?"

I wondered briefly if it would be a mistake to tell him, but we were all already fucked if he escaped, I didn't see how one more story could ruin things. "Once I was sure Drew wasn't coming back, I moved on. South, like we'd planned." It had been early fall, then, and we were worried about the northwestern winter that was approaching. Plus, it was better to stay on the move anyway. "I met Ian and Kyle somewhere in the middle of California, I think."

"Kyle?"

"His brother. Pray you don't meet him alone down here; he's a real piece of shit." I wondered what he thought of my smile as I said it. I didn't want Kyle to kill Sings of Light, especially not yet, but Sings and Kyle meeting was a different thing than Kyle being a piece of shit, and his piece-of-shit quality was one of the things I actually liked about Kyle. I was in the minority on that count, I knew.

In spite of the allusion to his murder, Sings smiled, too. " _ Your _ brothers, too, now, right?"

I shrugged. "Yeah, I guess." There had been a time where there had been a chance for things to be different, but the timing just hadn't been right. When I'd first met Kyle, there'd been a part of me that had almost been interested in him. But it had been too soon after Drew had been taken, and I had still been mourning, and Kyle was still fresh from Jodi's loss, and neither of us were ready to move on. And then, eventually, when we might have been, we knew each other too well, and the chance had passed.

"The three of you made it all the way to Arizona?" he asked.

"All the way to Arizona," I agreed. My brows furrowed. "What are  _ you _ doing here? Drew got taken in Oregon."

"I..." I saw the cogs in his brain turning. Choosing his words carefully? "I was... trying to reconnect with old friends. I... don't have many, back home. I got word that an old friend from Singing World lived in Arizona, and I..." He sighed.

A small jolt of fear ran through me. "Are they still waiting for you?"

He met my gaze with a start. "No," he said quickly. "We met." He shrugged. "She was... Her host was only three or four years old, and I..." He sighed again.

"Oh, yeah, that's... weird," I agreed. I tried to imagine talking to a three-year-old with the mind of an adult soul, and it sent a shiver down my spine.

Sings of Light blushed and looked down at his hands. "It... It should not have been. Souls take hosts of all different ages all the time, yet I... I could not connect with her."

I wondered at this. I wondered at this admission of un-soul-like behavior. Was he like Wanda, truly different from his alien peers, or were all souls harboring a deep-seated feeling of displacement? I waited for him to continue, but he seemed lost in his own thoughts, so I let him sit.

It was late when the beaded curtain rattled in a simulation of a knock. I grabbed my switchblade. "Who is it?" Jeb pulled the curtain aside and stood in the doorway. His expression was grim, and I stood immediately. "What happened?"

Jeb sighed. "Walter's gone." I slid back against the stone wall, and before I could even process the loss, Jeb added, "And Kyle just tried to kill Wanda."

I was silent for a very long moment. Jeb let me be, let me put my face in my hands and groan because everything was going wrong all at once. Finally, I managed to ask, "What happened?"

"Ian says Kyle went looking for her when she was alone in the bath. Tried to throw her in the river. She did a decent job fighting back, he got knocked unconscious, then the floor started caving in. For some reason, she risked her life to keep him from falling in." Jeb gave me a look. "That’s what Ian says, anyway. Wanda and Kyle are both saying the floor just collapsed, but you've heard Wanda lie."

I punched the wall, and a spasm of pain ran up my arm. "Fuck." I rubbed my eyes, and Jeb waited for me. I asked, "Is Wanda okay?"

Jeb shrugged. "She's beaten up pretty bad, but she'll live. Doc's checking her out right now."

"What's gonna happen to Kyle?"

"There'll be a tribunal tomorrow morning. Early." His eyes flashed to Sings of Light, and mine followed. The soul in Drew's body looked absolutely horrified. I didn't blame him. "You can be there, but..."

I shook my head. "No, you're right. It'd be a bad idea." I bit my lip. "Fuck. Yeah, I mean, if it comes down to a vote, I believe Ian, but... I don't..." I groaned.

But Jeb nodded. "I get ya," he said, and he put a hand on my shoulder for a moment. Then he added, "We're getting ready for Walter's funeral."

I looked back at Sings of Light, whose sadness was now battling with horror on his face. I said to Jeb, "Will you say a little something for me? Apologize to him for my not being there?"

He nodded. "I'm sure he'd understand, Al, but yeah, I'll do that." He added in a less somber tone, "That also means that the tunnels are gonna be pretty empty for a while. If you needed to travel to the kitchen or the bathroom, that'd be a good time. Regardless of what actually happened in there, the other end of the bath floor is unsafe, though, so watch out for that."

I offered a weak smile. "Thanks, Jeb. We'll give you all a little longer to clear out, then take care of ourselves."

He nodded to me and handed me back the gun, then tipped his hat to Sings of Light, and then left.

With a breath that emptied my lungs, I slid down to the floor. My head was in my hands when Sings piped up, "Are you okay?"

I scoffed, and the sound was uglier than Sings deserved, maybe. I said, head still down, "Not remotely. Today, one of my friends died, one of my friends tried to kill another, and one of my friends showed up with the body of my fiance but he's not my fiance anymore. So, no, not okay."

There was a long stretch of silence. He said, voice quiet and choked, "Is there  _ anything  _ I can do?"

_ You can give me Drew back _ , I thought with venom, but I said aloud, "Not unless you can travel through time or raise the dead." He had no answer for me. It was late when I finally spoke again. I stood, cleared my throat, and announced, "Alright. Time for a bathroom break before bed." The relief on Sings of Light's face was comical, and he stood up without hesitation.


	10. Sings of Light

Despite the fact that I knew it was because of a funeral, I was grateful that we hadn't seen anyone in the tunnels on our way to or from the bathroom. If you could call it a bathroom.  _ A hole in the ground isn't a bathroom; I don't care if it has a river under it, _ Drew insisted. He was more upset about it than I was, honestly. The roar of the nearby river was a nice touch; sound-dampening in a bathroom never went unappreciated or un-utilized.

Alli started taking off her sneakers. She jerked her head toward the mattress. "Time for bed."

My face burned. "Umm, what?"

She leveled a very  _ Alli  _ look at me. "You can sleep on the ground if you want, but it's literal stone, and I don't have blankets to spare to cushion you." She slipped off her second sneaker, and she sighed. She didn't meet my gaze when she said, "That body's been through a lot with me. Sleeping on the same mattress isn't something new. I'm not worried about you hurting me or anything in the night. It's just convenient." She placed the gun beside the bed and then stared back up at me, gauging my reaction.

I didn't like the gun. I didn't like that she had it so close, I didn't like the thought of her accidentally getting hurt because of it, and I didn't like the idea that she might use it on someone to keep me safe.  _ What do you think? _ I asked Drew, fidgeting.

Drew imagined sleeping on the ground, and we shuddered together.  _ She doesn't mind, _ he said, though we both knew that she did mind. She didn't want  _ me _ sleeping beside her on this mattress. She wanted  _ Drew  _ sleeping beside her. She was letting me do it because it was practical.

I nodded and started taking off my own shoes. I sat down on the other side of the mattress. From the corner of my eye, I watched Alli slip off her bra from under her tank top and toss it across the room.

_ Fuck _ , Drew thought, feeling our body react. Nothing noticeable yet, aside from a deep flush in my cheeks, but here I was, getting ready to sleep next to Alli, and she was tossing her bra across the room and slipping out of her denim shorts. It made sense; denim was less than comfortable, and she was going to bed.  _ Don't look at her _ , he urged, but he  _ wanted  _ me to look at her, and I wanted to look at her.

_ Why hasn't she turned off the light yet? _ I thought in despair. It would be so much easier not to look if I couldn't actually see.

Alli got into the bed, pulling the surprisingly heavy blanket over her body. A relief to Drew and I. She watched me consider my options and then get into bed with my jeans still on. She snorted. "Okay," she said as she rolled her eyes. "Whatever. You can pretend your jeans are pajamas. I don't give a fuck."

My face burned, but the smile in her voice was contagious. I had no words to explain myself in a way that wouldn't incriminate me, so I just shrugged.

She rolled her eyes again and turned off the light. "Goodnight, Sings of Light," she said. She rolled over so that she faced away from me. "I'll... We'll see what happens tomorrow."

"Okay," I agreed. "Goodnight, Alli." We were silent for a long time, it felt like. I couldn't sleep yet; too much had happened today for me to close my eyes. Alli wasn't asleep yet, either. Drew had spent enough nights with her to know what her breathing sounded like awake and asleep. I sighed. "Alli?" I asked quietly.

Her response was immediate. "Yeah?"

"I don't know what to do about it, but I'm sorry," I said. "I'm sorry I'm hurting you, and I'd stop if I knew how." Charged, loaded words. Did she hear the subtext? Did the words "I love you" ring in them?

She let out a tight sigh. "Yeah," she said, and her breath shook like she was near tears. Had I pushed her there? Should I have stayed silent?

Drew remembered comforting her after her mother had died, holding her and wiping the tears from her cheeks. She would never let me put my arms around her like that; I could never be a comfort to her. All I could do was hurt her. Drew tried to reassure me, tried to insist that I was a comfort to him at least, but, in the dark next to a broken-hearted Alli, it was a hollow comfort.

I waited for a long time to hear the sound of her breathing slow.


	11. Alli

The light of dawn was creeping in through the cracks in the ceiling when I woke up. It was hard to focus on the sky, though, because Drew's arms were wrapped around me. His body was pressed up against my back, warm and close and familiar. I took a shuddering breath. I wanted it so badly. I wanted Drew to be lying beside me, sleeping peacefully and moments from waking up and pressing a kiss to my shoulder or my neck.

But it wasn't really Drew.

I cleared my throat, tapping on the arm draped over me. "Sings of Light?" I said, gently but not quietly.

I felt him stir, and then I felt the moment his conscious thought took control and he realized what he'd done. He pulled away and sat up immediately, stuttering, "Alli, I'm sorry. I was sleeping, and I didn't realize-- It wasn't on purpose, I swear. I wouldn't--"

I rolled over and shook my head. He stopped apologizing. I said, "I'm not mad at you. I was asleep, too, and I let it happen." He relaxed a fraction, though he stared down at me like he was waiting for me to snap. I sighed. " _ That _ isn't your fault."

He looked away from me. "No," he agreed. "I've got a different fault."

I sat up. "That's not even really your fault, either," I said, though I couldn't bring myself to inject any comfort or compassion into my voice. "You are what you are, and you didn't lead the invasion, and you didn't choose Drew."

I felt his eyes on me, but I couldn't meet them. He echoed, "I am what I am."

I looked back up at the sky and said, "Kyle's tribunal is happening now. The halls will be clear for a while. I gotta take a bath, and you should, too. Then we can grab breakfast or something."


	12. Sings of Light

_ Stop thinking about it _ , I hissed inside my head. The halls were empty, and I was grateful for that, particularly because Drew kept imagining what it was going to be like to take a bath with Alli again, and I was imagining it right there with him.

_ I can't help it _ , he said, though he didn't sound all that apologetic.

The "toilet" had been pitch black inside, and I assumed that the bath would be as well, but Drew was adept at imagining scenarios that we could easily see, and a few that we had to navigate exclusively by touch. It was a good thing Alli was walking in front of me, and that I had a towel to hold in front of myself.

_ Sorry _ , Drew said, and he still didn't sound like he meant it.  _ It's just been such a long time _ .

We shouldn't have slept together last night. Nothing  _ really _ happened, but the feeling of her body against mine had lit a fire under old memories for me and for Drew, and we were struggling to keep focused on anything other than Alli.

I saw the beginning of the light of the bathing hallway and Alli said, "I'm going to apologize for the soap up front. It's horrendous and feels like straight lye, but it's all we've got out here." Her voice got a little guarded as she added, "And I've only got one bar, so don't go far, okay?"

"Okay," I said, and I wondered if she could hear my erection in my voice.

Drew groaned.  _ Ask to go to the bathroom first, _ he said, explaining the rest of his plan with an image rather than with words.

"I... I have to go to the bathroom first," I said, silently begging Alli not to turn around. "Is that... okay?"

She shrugged, and to my infinite relief did not turn. "Whatever. I'll wait, though. The floor's a little tricky if you don't know it."


	13. Alli

I waited for him between the two makeshift doorways, and I thought I heard a sound that I felt in my nipples coming from the bathroom, but I couldn't be sure. His face was pink when he emerged, but that didn't really settle things one way or the other. I jerked my chin toward the right cavern. "Be careful. There's about four feet of dry rock in from the wall, then another two of wet rock, and then it drops off into the pool. Don't slip. And don't get your clothes too wet. I don't know when I'll be able to convince someone to get you some new ones."

Sings of Light took the instructions with a dutiful nod and then followed me in. It was utterly dark inside, but I still felt exposed undressing in front of him. I kept wondering what Drew would think of this, if he would be angry or jealous or understanding. It would be irresponsible to leave him in the hallway while I bathed; someone might sneak away from the tribunal and find him there, and I wouldn't know until it was too late. And neither of us could see the other, really. It was all in my head.

I stepped into the water, wading in until the water was just under my breasts. It was warm, as it always was, and I held the soap and listened for Sings of Light's splash.

He was less steady than I had been, feeling with his feet exactly where the water began and moving slowly toward me. I kept my breathing loud so that he wouldn't run into me, and he didn't.

I dunked my head and scrubbed at my body with the terrible, terrible soap, and then I held it toward the sound of the splashing and said, "Here. Take the soap."

I expected him to struggle to find my hand in the dark, but his aim was true and he took the soap from me without incident. "Thank you," was his only, soft response.

I paused, and then I let out a soft  _ hmm _ . I heard him still, and then I said, "You used to be a bat, right?"

"I mean, uhh, not exactly," he started, and I could tell he wasn’t sure what I meant. "On the Singing World, my host was  _ like _ a bat, but it was-"

"You couldn’t see," I said, cutting him off, "and you used your other senses to get by."

There was a flicker of recognition in his soft  _ oh _ . "Yes, we were blind."

"I think you’re at an advantage down in these caves," I said, and images flashed through my mind of Kyle trying to jump Sings of Light in the dark.

He was silent for a beat, and then he chuckled, and I didn't need to be able to see him to imagine his face. He said, "I'm not... I can't  _ hear  _ your hands like I would have on the Singing World."

"Really? Because it seems like you knew exactly where it would be."

He was silent again, and then he said, "Maybe... Maybe there is  _ something _ to that, but not that way. I think... I don't know where it is, but I remember how to calculate where it will be. Does that make sense?"

I rinsed my arms down and said, "So, based on where you heard it last and what you think it's doing, you can guess where it should be better than a human would?"

"Or better than a soul who had not just come from the Singing World," he agreed. "Here." He tapped the water in front of me, and I took the soap back, stumbling in the dark only a little. He paused again, then said, "I'm also... I'm not afraid of the dark. That human fear, I don't... The dark doesn't frighten me. When that man took me, being kidnapped frightened me, but being blindfolded did not."

"Are you afraid now?" I asked.

"No," he answered so quickly that my heart hurt.

I didn't know what to say, and he seemed to realize how vulnerable he'd made himself with his answer, and we were both quiet.


	14. Sings of Light

It was late before we saw another human. Alli was distracted, eyes drifting into the distance as she wondered at the outcome of the tribunal that had happened this morning. She was surprised that no one came into the kitchen as we ate lunch, either, though she admitted that we were eating early and that the tribunal might push lunch out later.

I wasn’t sure what time it was -- telling time in the caves was impossible for me and Drew -- when the beaded curtain that was Alli’s door rattled. Alli tensed, but the voice that called out was familiar. “I brought dinner.”

Alli smiled in relief, hopping up and pulling aside the curtains. Ian came in with three trays of food. Alli seemed as surprised as I was that he was eating with us. He came in, folding his long legs beneath him and handing out trays: the same bread and soup as it always seemed to be.

When he was silent for too long, Alli asked, “Well?”

He looked up in surprise, then guilt took over his features. “Oh, shit. I forgot that no one would have told you. They voted to keep him, no punishment at all.”

Alli sagged to the floor, relief and disappointment and happiness and anger all warring for control of her expression. She finally breathed, “Fuck.”

Ian nodded, seemingly agreeing with every one of her feelings on the matter. “Yep. And don’t worry,” he said, addressing the both of us this time. “Jeb reiterated that any assassination attempts from now on, including on  _ you _ , will be met with gun first and questions later. No tribunals.” I paled, but Alli seemed comforted by this. “Plus,” he added a little wryly, “Jared and I reinforced the order.”

Alli nodded and began picking at her bread, dipping it in the soup until it nearly disintegrated. She jerked her chin at Ian. “Not that I’m complaining -- we’ve been alone for two days and I’m enjoying the change -- but why are you here?”

Ian clicked his teeth, a humorless smile working its way onto his face. He ripped aggressively at his own bread. “Jared suggested to Jamie that Wanda share the room with the two of them.” This was a huge surprise to Alli. “And I kissed her, and she...” Ian cut a look at me that I could not begin to understand. “She was  _ of two minds _ about it. So she’ll be rooming with Jared for the foreseeable future, I’m stuck with my idiot brother again, and Wanda... Wanda doesn’t know what she wants and doesn’t know how to figure it out.” He sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

Alli took her time thinking through these declarations. Her first comment was, “Jared didn’t seem all that interested in Wanda before.” Her voice was so guarded and her tone so stilted that I knew implicitly that they were keeping things from me, but I said nothing. Of course they were keeping things from me. I was the enemy, living in their base. They could not trust me.

Ian scoffed. “No, he didn’t. Changed his mind at the tribunal, though.”

“How much?”

Ian shook his head. “It’s not about Wanda to him. It’s all about Melanie.” There was more he considered saying, but he didn’t, and I sensed he was keenly aware of my presence as he held back.

Alli’s next comment was, “You kissed her.” Not framed as a question, but a question all the same.

Ian gave her a rueful smile. “Yeah.” He looked down at his soup, then back up at Alli, and there was something endearingly vulnerable in his voice as he said, “You think that’s a mistake?”

She laughed, a soft, sympathetic sound. “I mean, do you think you can take Jared in a fight?” Ian scoffed, and then he laughed, too. Alli sobered and said, “I don’t know if it’s a mistake, but sometimes the heart is dumb as hell, and sometimes it isn’t.” Alli did not look at me, and it scared me how much I wanted her to. Ian did let himself peek at me, and I wondered what he saw. Alli continued, “I like Wanda. If you two want to kiss, then I want you to.”

This answer seemed to surprise Ian, but he shrugged after taking a moment to smile at Alli. “Well, I guess we’ll see.”

_ What do you think they mean? _ Drew asked as I looked back and forth between them.

_ I have no idea _ , I answered.  _ You’re the human, and it sounds like some kind of prejudice. You should be able to read between the lines better than me. _

I sensed Drew’s annoyance with my answer, and it wasn’t wholly fair. Drew held fewer prejudices than most humans, I thought, but he was still better at recognizing something so human.  _ It’s too many people _ , he said finally, frustration deep in his answer.  _ I don’t know how they all fit together. _ I focused in on his attempts to align the names we’d heard with a romantic structure that made sense to him, but nothing seemed to fit. Someone was always left out, maybe a friend or maybe family, too much or too little influence on the relationships that did or did not exist.

“So,” Ian said, drawing my attention with a jerk of his chin in my direction. “Sings of Light, huh?” I nodded. “There a story behind that?”

I took a beat. “Behind my name or my being?”

He laughed, and Alli snorted. “I meant the name.”

“Uhh, yes, there is a story.” He raised an eyebrow. I cast a quick glance at Alli, looking for permission I guess, and she gave me a small nod as she leaned back, getting comfortable. “Well, I was born on another planet: what we here call the Flower World.”

“As a flower,” Ian said, something between a question and statement.

I nodded. “Yes. A flower. Not exactly like the flowers you have on Earth, but yes, a flower,” I explained. I’d already told this to Alli, but she listened with interest as though for the first time. I swallowed, feeling my cheeks heat. “It was a peaceful life, and the planet was beautiful, but... but it’s hard to live life with roots. When time came for me to take a new host, I chose the Singing World.” I paused, expecting a question from Ian.

At first, he merely nodded as though this explained everything. Then a thought shook through him and he asked, “What’s the Singing World?”

_ That was weird _ , Drew said in case I hadn’t caught the nuance of human expression. I was familiar enough with Drew, however, to catch onto lies by omission.

I was more guarded as I explained, “On the Singing World, the hosts we take are similar to your bats. We could fly -- which was what drew me to the planet in the first place -- but we were blind. Both out of physical necessity and cultural drive, we sang. It helped our other senses fill the gap left by sight.”

“And you sang of light?”

I nodded. “Yes. I didn’t realize how great a loss my sight would be, even with the ability to fly. I was... nostalgic, and the name I accepted reflected that.”

Alli leaned forward. “Do you choose your name, or is it given to you?”

And before I could answer, Ian asked, “What was your name on the Flower World?”


	15. Alli

There was another rustle of the curtain-door just as I was getting ready to take Sings on our nightly bathroom trip. “Who is it?” I asked, guarded. No one else was supposed to be by tonight.

“Jamie,” came the young voice. “I’ve got clothes.”

“Oh!” I hopped up, pulling aside the curtain for him. I’d asked Ian to see if anyone had any extra clothes for Sings -- particularly pajama bottoms or sweats -- but I hadn’t expected such a quick turn around.

Nor had I expected the impressive bundle Jamie carried. One, maybe two pairs of pants. We had so little here, it seemed impossible that we would have much to spare. But the boy grinned over the cloth. “We all pitched in. Well, not everyone. My clothes won’t fit.”

I smiled, taking the stack from the boy. “Thanks, kid.”

He nodded his acceptance of the gratitude, but the way that he fidgeted and craned his neck made it clear what he really wanted as payment.

I sighed and jerked my head. “Come on.” I stepped back into the room, and Sings stood on what was becoming his side of the room. “Jamie, this is Sings of Light. Sings, this is Jamie.”

I couldn’t watch both their faces, but I watched Sings’s. Surprise. Because he was a kid? Because he seemed excited to meet him? I couldn’t tell. “Pleasure to meet you,” Sings of Light said, voice guarded.

Jamie grinned. “Hi. Ian said you’re from the Singing World? And before that the Flower World?”

More surprise from Sings, but I interjected, “You’ll have time for stories later, kid. He’s already told ’em twice in as many days.” Jamie pouted, but I put the clothes down and put a hand on Jamie’s shoulder instead. “How are you holding up, kid? I’m sure today sucked.”

The light in his eyes flickered. “I’m okay,” he said, and it hurt me how adult the comment sounded. “Wanda’s okay, and we’re all gonna be rooming together again, now, so that’s good.”

I nodded. “I heard that from Ian,” I said, and I tried not to let slip the tone with which the news had been delivered. “Listen kid, I’m gonna give you some advice: Wanda loves you, but I think everything else for her is pretty weird right now. She might need some space to figure things out. She’s got a lot of voices in her head telling her different things. Just... Just let her.  _ You’re _ uncomplicated. Stay uncomplicated.”

Jamie’s brow furrowed, and he looked for a moment at Sings, and I knew he was thinking of his sister. He gave me another look that asked why I was being cryptic, but I couldn’t answer in front of the soul who did not yet know we housed another soul, so I merely offered a wink and a nod. After another long moment, Jamie nodded. “Okay. I think I get it.”

“Good.” I gave him a pat on the shoulder and said, “Now, it’s late. Get out of here and get to sleep.”

He rolled his eyes in a way that said he thought he was not a child but was distinctly childish, but he left, one last wave over his shoulder at Sings.

When he was gone, I jerked my chin at the soul by my bed. “Ready for a bathroom break?”

It was weird how easy the routine was becoming. We passed Trudy in the tunnels, but she was kind enough to merely smile and nod to me and not stop to talk. Sings watched her walk by, and I wondered if he knew. Ian’s words and my own to Jamie had danced around the truth: the human resistance already harbored a soul. Trudy’s nonchalance at the sight of him had to tell him  _ something _ , but the truth might be too outlandish for him to consider. I hoped so. I didn’t want him to know yet.

When we got back to my room -- a room I almost thought of as  _ our _ room before stopping myself -- I turned my back so that Sings could try on his new pants. It was so weird to turn my back, but I saw in his hesitant stance that he wanted me to. He used to be my fiance. I’d seen that body naked from every angle. Getting dressed for bed should have been nothing.

But that was not Drew, so it  _ was  _ something, so I turned my back.

When we were in bed, light off, I took a deep breath and finally said, “Sings?”

His reply was quick, eager. “Yes?”

“I have two questions I have to ask you.” Two questions I’d been formulating for hours.

He stiffened. Would he try to lie to me, if he thought he needed to? I would know, and he had to understand that. But he said, “What are they?”

I rolled so that we were eye-to-eye. “If I were to let you roam free through these tunnels, what would you do?”

He thought for a moment, then he shrugged. “Stay close to you, I think. Even if I wasn’t afraid of the humans who live here and who try to kill each other, I don’t know my way around.”

A practical answer. Comforting, but only slightly. I nodded. “What if I led you to the exit of these caves? Brought you back out to the desert? Showed you which way civilization was?”

Sings of Light had an immediate reaction. Loudly, too loud in the dark, he said, “You can’t!” I raised my eyebrows, and he sat up. “Alli, you can’t. Please. I can’t lie. Seekers will use me to find this place.”

My voice was guarded. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

His eyes widened in horror, and then his brows came together. “This was a test?” he asked, the human pieces of his brain reconciling the question with my tone. I nodded, and he sighed, running a hand through his hair.

When he said nothing further, I prodded, “You said that like it would be bad. Don’t souls want to eliminate us violent humans?”

His back tensed, but he turned back to me. Against his better judgement, it looked like, he let delicate fingers touch my cheek in the dark. “We’re supposed to.”

The answer was more than I bargained for, more than I was ready to hear, and I let loose a shaky breath, closing my eyes against the water pooling there.

Sings took back his hand. He lay back down, took another deep breath, and then said, voice barely a whisper, “I don’t want anything to happen to you, Alli Cabral. Not just your body.  _ You _ . The universe would be a darker place without you.”

I rolled over so that he couldn’t see the tears that worked their way through my closed eyelids.


	16. Sings of Light

I woke up on my own side of Alli’s mattress. Part of me was glad that I hadn’t nestled up to her in the night and embarrassed myself, but part of me was disappointed that I hadn’t had the excuse of unconsciousness to touch her. I wanted to touch her. Drew wanted to touch her, too, and his insistent thoughts about it were distracting.

Alli was slow to mobilize, lying on her back with her hand behind her head and her eyes on the stone ceiling. I didn’t dare disrupt her: peaceful and contemplative. I loved Alli for her loudness and strength and power, but I loved her in her quiet moments, too. That contradiction of hard and soft that made humans so interesting was at its best in Alli.

Drew’s heart ached to be so near to her and so far away, and so my heart ached for him. I wanted to reunite them, I wanted to be able to give Drew back to Alli, and Alli back to Drew, but more than  _ this  _ just wasn’t possible. Not here, not now.

We were both still in bed, silent, when there was a rustle at the curtain.

Alli sat up, grabbing her knife by her side, and called, “Who is it?”

“I brought breakfast,” was the reply.

Alli put down the knife, slid into shorts and her flannel, and then pulled the curtain back.

The older man walked in, a smile on his face and two trays of food in his hands. He looked at me and nodded. “Morning.”

“Good morning, Jeb,” I said, sitting all the way up.

He seemed tickled that I remembered his name. “Sings of Light,” he said with a nod, proving to me that he would not be outdone. He turned to Alli. “What’s on the docket for today?”

Alli grinned, and my heart stuttered in panic at the sight of it. “I thought we’d do some work in the east field today.”

“What’s in the east field?” I asked when Jeb’s smile did nothing to comfort me.


	17. Alli

I kept finding myself smiling. It sent the wrong message to my human companions, I knew, and I should have stopped, but I barely even realized it was happening.

Drew had never been athletic. He'd been a computer nerd: lanky and scrawny and stationary. The last time that had been a problem for him had been high school gym class during the Presidential Fitness Test. We hadn't had any furniture that it took more than the just two of us to move, and he sat at a desk at work.

Sings of Light was struggling in Drew's body today, and it kept making me smile.

It wasn't even that the soul was struggling. There should have been some schadenfreude in watching the parasite who had stolen my fiance struggle to keep up with the manual labor we'd been tasked with doing, but there wasn't. Sings wasn't so bad. If he hadn't been one of the aliens who had invaded my planet and stolen my love, I might have even liked him. He liked me.

It was that I kept seeing Drew. I kept watching his body move at unfamiliar, uncomfortable, awkward angles, and I kept forgetting that it was not my fiance who was being betrayed by his inexperienced body.

Violetta came in with some water. I took my eyes off Sings to watch her distribute a bottle to each and every one of the human workers in the field.

She did not bring water to us.

I scowled, huffed, and then shoved my hoe at Sings. "I'll be right back."


	18. Sings of Light

_ Where is she going? _ Drew asked, watching Alli stalk off. He didn't seem at all concerned about the fact that we now had no protector.  _ No one's close to us _ , he said dismissively in our head.

He wasn't wrong. No one wanted to work near us. We weren't sure if that was because of us or because of Alli's increasingly hostile attitude toward them all since our arrival in the cavern this morning. It could easily have been either.

She stomped, but she was also careful not to stomp directly on any of the rows of earth that had been tilled today. She marched right through the humans, looking at each of them, one-by-one, and challenging them to challenge her. She grabbed two bottles of water from the crate and walked back across the field.

She was a tiny force of nature, almost a foot shorter than this body but with the presence of a giant.

She was _ incredible _ .

And she was kind of terrifying, when you were on the wrong end of her contempt, but right now she was on our side.

She handed me a bottle and slumped down onto the rock ledge that might as well have been a bench in this large cavern. She took an angry swig of her own water, looked up at me, and said, "You can take a break, you know." Was her voice softer than it had been yesterday?

I sat down beside her. The water here was odd, but it was water, and I was hot and sweaty and thirsty, so I drank it.

Alli watched me and rolled her eyes. "Yeah. Thought you might be thirsty." The glare she threw back at the woman who had not brought the water to us should have sent a shiver down my spine. It was angry and reeked of violence. "I should have taken Jeb's gun," she murmured. "They respect Jeb when he's got his gun. Is that what it's gonna take?" For a second, I thought I saw her strength fail. This tough, invulnerable facade that she was maintaining for Drew's sake (not mine, I knew that) cracked, and the weariness of maintaining it for days slipped through. And then it slipped back into place when she said, "If anyone starts anything now, though, I've got this glass bottle. I've always wanted to smash a bottle on an asshole's head. I mean, plus my knife. But the bottle will be more satisfying. Get me in trouble for wasting a bottle, but worth it."

A surprised, panicked laugh burst from my lips before I could stop it.

Her head whipped around to me as though she hadn't realized I could hear. Her brown eyes narrowed. "Really? Threats like that aren't particularly soul-like. Shouldn't it make you, I dunno, upset, not laugh?"

My face, already hot and pink from the work, got hotter. I cleared my throat. "Well, maybe. Probably. They're not soul-like, but they're very you."

I had already told her last night that I loved her. Not in so many words, but the confession was there, and she had heard it. What damage could this do that had not already been done?

She stared at me, and her cheeks turned pink, too. She held my gaze for much longer than was comfortable, and when she looked away she heaved a deep sigh. She faced away from me, but I saw as she rolled her eyes and muttered, "What the fuck am I doing?"

This time, Drew and I both thought it best that I stay silent.

We worked until lunch, and I thought that we would eat alone again, but Alli led the way to the kitchen.

There was utter silence when we entered. Every human eye -- so many human eyes! -- turned to look at us. Drew wanted me to look at them, to see the faces of the resistance that was so much more substantial than he had dreamed, but I couldn’t. My face burned. I wanted to sit down and hide.

Alli had other ideas. She held her chin high and announced, “This is Sings of Light. He’s in my fiance. If anyone touches him, I’ll kill you. No questions, no waiting for Jeb or a tribunal or anything like that. Stay the fuck away.”

I was dizzy from the attention and the fear, but I caught a glimpse of Jamie, and I thought from his expression he was more scandalized by her use of the word “fuck” than her order.

Alli scanned the room and then pointed. “Go sit with Ian,” she said, and her nudge was gentle. “I’ll get lunch.”

I found the familiar face in the crowd, saw his amused smile and shake of his head, and approached. He splayed out a welcoming hand when I reached the stone outcropping that doubled as a table. “Hi, Ian,” I said by way of greeting.

He chuckled. “Was  _ Drew  _ scared shitless of her?” was his greeting.

I offered a weak smile as I slid down onto the seat. “Sometimes.”

_ And yet _ , Drew thought fondly. I obliged him by turning to look at Alli. She was chatting easily with the woman serving up lunch. No hard feelings there, apparently.

Ian stood, waving a hand at the entrance. “Wanda, come on over.”

I turned to look at Wanda, the woman who had almost been killed by Kyle. She was tall, tan skin and dark hair. Athletic body, but meek presence.

She saw me and froze.

Then Jamie was at her side, tugging her over to our table.

_ Siblings _ , Drew realized, charting the same features on both their faces.

Wanda avoided making eye-contact with me as Jamie led her over, but Jamie had no such qualms. He grinned at me, and I wondered at why. Why did this boy accept me so easily into this world? His sister had the right idea.

And then she looked up at me when she was mere feet away, and I went as rigid as she had. I jumped up from the table, staring into the familiar silver that reflected in her eyes. “What?” I breathed.

It made sense to Drew before it made sense to me. He saw the logic in keeping such a secret from me: no false sense of security, no resting on our laurels assuming that they would not harm us simply because they had not harmed another soul.

Before I could lift my head to look for her, Alli was at my side. She put the trays on the table and then put a hand on my shoulder. “This is Wanderer,” she said, and her voice was gentle. “Wanda, this is Sings of Light. He’s wearing my fiance.”

I couldn’t decide who to look at first or most: Alli, who had kept this secret from me, or Wanda, who had been a soul the whole time. I decided on Wanda. I held out my hand for her, and she took it. “It’s... It’s nice to meet you, Wanderer.”

She gave me a smile that seemed apologetic, and then we sat down beside each other. “Welcome to the human resistance, Sings of Light,” she said, the barest hint of unsure humor in her voice.

“I’ll get you some food,” Jamie told her, disappearing off into the crowd.

There was an awkward beat of silence at the table; I was too anxious to eat yet. Finally, Wanderer said, “They told me yesterday that you were here. I didn’t expect... to see you so soon.”

“Jared locked Wanda in hole for weeks,” Alli explained. She saw the utter horror on my face and added, “He’s a stubborn ass. And most of us learned our lesson after that.”

“Most of us,” Ian agreed.

“Were you also kidnapped?” I asked the soul sitting next to me. Jamie came back with food for the soul wearing his sister and perched his head in his hands, listening intently.

Wanderer let out a nervous laugh. She fidgeted with her food, and I recognized the face she was making before she explained, “I came here on my own. My host, Melanie, told me how to get here.” Her look to me, out the side of her eye and with red cheeks, was everything I could not voice. “I was not strong enough to subdue my host. She... The Seekers wanted to dispose of her because she was so unruly, but I... I could not let them, and I allowed her to lead me on a suicide mission into the desert in search of her loved ones.”

Not weak. Not weak, not weak, not weak. Drew and I both felt our hearts reaching out to this soul who had allowed herself to love humans.  _ Not strong enough to subdue her host _ . What an injustice, that our society made her feel that way when love was at the center of our very existence.

I reached out and touched her hand. “You are very brave, Wanderer,” I said, my throat growing tight.

Her eyes widened at the touch, at the acceptance in my voice. She smiled. “It will be nice having another soul in these caves, I think.”

I smiled back, and then hope surged in my chest.  _ If Alli has accepted Wanderer’s story, then she will accept ours, _ I thought to Drew.  _ We can tell her the truth, that you're still here. _

But Drew disagreed. He said,  _ Not right after hearing Wanda’s story. It’ll seem like she gave us the idea. You said yourself that souls aren’t supposed to even believe what we have can happen. We need more of her trust before we can even try. _

I understood, and my hope withered away. I pushed at my food, eating the boring bread that was given to me and I was already growing sick of. As I did, a whole slew of things fell into place in my mind, and I looked up at Alli and at Ian.

He raised an eyebrow. “Yeah?”

“I just... I’m realizing things now, finally,” I explained, and he kept his eyebrow raised. “You knew. I told you my name and you knew what it meant. That was why you made those faces. You knew about the Singing World.”

“Wanda lived there,” Jamie explained.

I turned to her. “I am guessing that is not the only planet you’ve lived on, Wanderer.”

She smiled shyly. “I have lived on eight before coming to Earth.”

I gasped, and I regretted the shame it effected on her face. I checked myself and then admitted, “I was well on my way to wandering as well, before I came here.”

Before Wanderer could reply, Jamie asked, “Where else would you have wanted to go?”

I shrugged. “I’m not sure. I think it would have depended on what about Earth I didn’t like. I’m intrigued by the Dragons, and I think maybe I would be happy as a Dolphin. They have three sexes,” I explained, though the looks around the table told me that this was old news, “and I think I might have been happy as... well, as neither male nor female.” I looked to Wanderer. “You’ve explained a lot, it seems. Do they know about souls?”

“That there are suiciding queens and drone bees?” Alli supplied. “Yeah, that part we got.”

“Huh. I don’t know if I would have explained it that way, but it’s accurate, yes,” I said, seeing our species through a more human lens. “Well, yes, I am a drone bee. I have no strong attachment to the sex of my hosts. I am male now only because Drew is male. I was in a female host on the Singing World, and neither feels more or less right to me in that regard.”

“Do you want us to use they/them pronouns for you?” Alli asked, tilting her head to the side and chewing at her lip ring.

“Use what?”

“It’s not common, but sometimes people prefer to be referred to as ‘they’ rather than ‘he’ or ‘she,’” she explained. “Think back. Drew’s coworker Dylan had a sibling who was nonbinary.”

I did think back, and Drew supplied me with the memory, the grammar, and his limited knowledge about it. He also apologized for not considering it sooner, as he’d known my feelings on gender from very early on. I considered, then said, “No, ‘he’ is fine. It does not... I have no dysphoria? Is that the word? ‘He’ serves me just fine. I think nonbinary fits, as much as it can fit an alien with an alien body, but the pronouns don’t matter to me.”

She nodded. “Okay.”

“Wanda’s female,” Jamie cut in again, smiling as though he took pride in the rarity of his sister’s soul.

“And she’s from the Origin,” Alli added, “just to get all the special soul tidbits out of the way up top.” Ian snorted.

I stared at Wanderer, eyes wide. She turned pink under my gaze. “You...” I shook my head and tried again. “You are very special, Wanderer.” She shrugged. And then I caught Ian watching me very closely, and I remembered the second revelation I’d had. I said cautiously, “I think perhaps you are very special, too, Ian.” He laughed, so I persisted, “I mean it. You seem quite impossible to me.”

He shrugged, too, but he had a smile on his face. “Usually when people tell me I’m impossible, they mean it as an insult.”

Alli let out a large laugh, and Jamie and Wanderer both chuckled.


	19. Alli

“I’ll be right there,” I told Sings of Light, nudging him toward the tunnels. He looked nervously down at me, but the friendly lunch had done his nerves good, and he went to stand alone. I trotted back into the kitchen to Wanda’s side. “Hey, Wanda?”

She turned right to me, and it was clear she knew exactly what I was going to ask.

I asked anyway, though. “What do you think?”

“About?” she hedged.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. “About Sings of Light. Is he... What do you think?”

She took a beat to consider her words carefully, and then she said, “He should not have accepted Melanie so easily. We... Souls do not look kindly on this. What I did, or what I was not able to do, is a great shame in our society. That he did not think so -- and I don’t think he lied -- is... strange.” She looked at me with something that might have been fear or that might have been pity. “I can’t tell you that Drew is still alive inside him,” she said, and the words and their surprising strength hurt my heart. “I can’t tell you anything like that without asking. I can tell you that I think he’d tell you anything you wanted to know. I think he feels for you what Drew did, and I think he’s accepted those feelings without guilt or pain.”

“But that probably means that Drew  _ is _ gone,” I said. “Melanie doesn’t let you love Jared like that.”

She winced. “Perhaps, but I don’t  _ always _ have to follow Melanie’s wishes.” The admission was more than she’d ever made to me, and I nodded in recognition of her vulnerability. “But, if there’s one thing that I’ve learned since coming to this planet, it’s that humans will always surprise you.”


	20. Sings of Light

We were both nervous when Alli brought us back from the bathroom. We didn’t know what was going to happen now that we were alone together. It was difficult to put into words, but lunch and dinner with Wanderer had changed things. Knowing that Ian was in love with a soul changed things. Knowing that Wanderer and Alli were if not friends then friendly changed things. Knowing that Alli believed a host could resist a soul changed things.

I was almost grateful for the ache in my muscles after a day spent gardening. It gave me the excuse to sink into the bed and pretend that I was not actually aching to speak with Alli.

She sat down on the edge of the bed and said, “Sorry for not telling you about Wanda.”

I rolled to face her. “I understand. Humans cannot be trusted to tell the truth unless their life is on the line, so you wanted me to believe that mine was and that the outlook was bleak. It... wasn’t necessary, but I understand why you did it. I am a soul; I took your world from you. I don’t fault you for trying to scare me into truthfulness.”

“But you would have told me the truth anyway,” she said, and it was not a question.

“Everything you’ve asked, I’ve answered,” I told her, grateful and angry about the question I had not yet been asked.

She sighed. “Yeah.” She sighed again, and then she got into the bed, rolling so that we were face-to-face. “So, what do you think of Wanda?” There was a cheer in her voice that tugged at me because it had not yet ever been directed at me.  _ Drew _ knew it well, but she had never used it with me.

I let myself laugh, surprise and anxiety and everything else knocking loose. Alli smiled at the sound, and my heart hurt. I said, “She’s incredible.”

“Really? You don’t think she’s weak for not subduing her host?”

It was a trap, but I said, “No. I don’t. We are... Souls are... There is nothing more powerful or sacred than love, and -- from what I heard today -- there is no one in this universe driven by love quite like Wanderer. For her host’s brother and lover, and for her host. Walking away from everything she’s known, from a society that is supposed to welcome her with everything that they are, in search of that love is...” I sighed. “It’s a remarkable thing, and it would have taken incredible strength.”

_ Too far _ , Drew said, anxiety coating our chest. I had taken it too far, had spoken too much of my mind. She would know. She would know everything.

Pain soured Alli’s expression, and I regretted speaking, and then she gave me a sad smile. “Yeah,” she said. “Misfits seem to find their place here.” She chuckled, and with every moment there was less sadness in her brown eyes. “I mean,  _ Jeb Stryder _ set this place up.”

I chuckled with her. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

She gave my hand a quick squeeze, then took her hand back even though I wanted so badly to snatch it back up and keep it in mine. “Seems like maybe this is the right place for you, too.”

Seen. I felt seen. “Yeah, this place feels right to me.”

_ Home _ , Drew echoed.

Alli gave me a smile for a moment longer, and then she turned her back to me and turned off the light.


	21. Alli

Things were so fucking weird. What was especially weird about them was that they often seemed normal. Sings of Light integrated into our little society much more easily than Wanda had. Kyle refused to talk to me, but the glares I sent his way made that understandable. Ian, Jamie, Jeb, and Wanda accepted him into the fold without a second thought. Even Jared seemed okay with him, though I wouldn’t have called him warm or fuzzy.

Sings of Light accepted his role in the workforce, never once complaining to me about aching muscles or blistered hands. I took pity on him the second day and brought him to do laundry, and we were four days in when I took him to help make more bread.

He saw our set-up and let out a displeased  _ hmm _ . I raised an eyebrow at him, and the blush that sprang to his cheeks told me he hadn’t meant to make the sound aloud. He said, “This is it? You don’t have any herbs or anything?”

I stared back at him, and Heidi, who was on bread duty with us, laughed. I said, “You’ve tasted our bread. You know we don’t.”

He frowned. “Why?” My motion around at the underground desert colony did not satisfy him. “You grow wheat. Surely someone could set up an herb garden. They could be dried and stored. A little  _ something _ in the way of taste would go a long way.”

Heidi and I looked at each other, and I shrugged. “Not a bad idea,” I said.

She asked him, “Would you know how to use them? How to take our recipe and improve it?”

He nodded, absolutely certain. “Drew was a great cook. He’s made bread plenty of times. I could do it.”

I nodded. I missed Drew’s cooking, actually. I said, “I’ll tell Jeb to put herbs on the list. Next time a group goes on a supply run, we’ll have them look for some.”

Jeb did more than that. He and Sings of Light worked together to create a spot perfect for the garden -- just the right amount of sun and with proper irrigation. He seemed easy here, working with me and with Jeb and with the other humans, and I realized that I wanted him to feel easy. I  _ wanted  _ him to feel easy here.

What the fuck did that mean?


	22. Sings of Light

It was the day after the supply run had left, and Jamie and Jared’s absence had left Wanderer antsy and irritable. I felt for her, and I was definitely glad that Alli had not been one of the group. Ian was doing his best both to cheer her up and win her heart. He was only very mildly successful.

In an effort to distract her, I assumed, he turned to me after dinner. He asked, “Do you sing? Or was that only something you did as a bat?” The question caught me off-guard, and he added, “Your name is ‘Sings of Light.’ Do you sing?”

“I... Sometimes,” I admitted. “Less, now, obviously, now that I do not need to sing to see.”

He looked to Wanderer. “You lived on the Singing World, too.”

He didn’t need to pose the question. She shook her head. “Melanie is not a singer.”

He looked at me and then at Alli. “Was Drew?”

The name and the memories still stung, and she waited a beat before replying, “Not often. Not unless he was drunk, and that’s not great for performance.”

Ian snorted, and Drew urged me to stand up for him, so I said, “He didn’t lack talent, just confidence.”

_ Thanks, Sings _ , he said, and I felt the warmth of our solidarity in my chest.

Ian jerked his chin at me. “But you’ve got the confidence, right? I mean, you used to sing all the time.”

I looked to Alli, for permission or for her to stop me, I wasn’t sure. But she seemed interested in what I’d do, in hearing Drew's voice sing with confidence.  _ What should I sing? _ I asked Drew, and he scrolled through memories and lyrics, narrowing the list quickly based on that he knew well enough to perform.

When he made his choice, I cleared my throat. Faces were on me from all over the kitchen now, and I felt Drew's residual fear at performing, but this was nothing to me. None of them mattered except Alli. 

“ _ Wise men say only fools rush in, but I can’t help falling in love with you. Oh, shall I stay? Would it be a sin, oh, if I can’t help falling in love with you? Like a river flows surely to the sea, darling, so it goes, some things are meant to be _ .”

Alli swallowed, and her breath came harder.

“ _ Take my hand. Take my whole life, too, oh, for I can’t help falling in love with you _ .”

“Stop.” Alli’s voice was strangled, thick. “Please.”

I felt my own regret strangling my throat. “I’m sorry,” I managed, but she closed her eyes and shook her head.

She shook her head, not looking at me, and she stood. She pushed through awkwardly staring onlookers. Kyle tried to stop her, but she elbowed him hard in the side, and he grunted while she passed him.

I stood to follow after -- I’d messed up so badly -- but Ian wrapped a hand around my wrist. He shook his head. “Let her go,” he said gently.

Ian had me take on dish duty with him after lunch dissipated. We were alone, washing dishes, when he finally said, “Hey, I won’t tell Alli, but I’ve gotta ask: is Drew still in there?”

I sucked in a harsh breath, and Drew was suddenly very present in our mind. He warned me to be cautious, as if I needed the warning. “Why do you ask that?” I hedged. I would not be able to lie to him, and he knew it.

He put down the dirty plate in his hands and leaned back, assessing me. “You love Alli, plus Wanda says a normal soul would hate her and Melanie. Did Drew fight back?”

_ Answer with half-truths _ , Drew instructed, knowing that he was infinitely better at subterfuge than I was.

“He did fight back, in the beginning,” I said slowly. I didn’t like how exposed I felt under the scrutiny from Ian’s dark blue eyes. “Most adult hosts do.”

“Is he still in your head?” Ian persisted.

I stared back at him. I could truthfully explain that all hosts live on in the memories the soul adopts. I could truthfully tell him that I thought about Drew, more and more every day now that I was with Alli.

But Drew said,  _ Tell him _ .

_ Are you sure _ ?

_ He loves a soul, _ he reminded me.  _ He believes her. He knows you’ll tell the truth. And he’s Alli’s friend. He’ll probably know what to do -- how to fix this mess we got ourselves in. _

But before I could answer, he said, “You’re talking to him right now, aren’t you?”

My mouth fell open. “What?”

A smile quirked at the corners of his mouth. “Wanda gets that same look on her face when she’s talking to Melanie.” He laughed, shaking his head. “He’s really in there, too, isn’t he?”

My face burned, but I nodded. “Yes.”

“So you’re like Wanda and Melanie?” he asked, and I knew it was just because it was his only point of reference.

I shrugged. “Yes and no. I... Drew’s memories made me fall in love with Alli. I love her like he did, and in my own way, too.” This was a sore spot for Ian, clearly, so I moved on. “But Drew’s memories made me fall in love with  _ him _ , too.” Ian’s eyebrows shot up. “We don’t have an uneasy truce, we aren’t constantly fighting for control of this body. I love him, and I do what I can to keep him from fading away.”

“Does... Does he love you?” Ian asked. It was a testament to his faith in Wanderer that he did not doubt me and the impossible thing I told him.

I smiled as Drew's answer warmed my heart. “Yes, he does. He didn’t always, of course, but...” I chuckled. “We’ve spent a lot of time together.”

Now Ian leaned in. “Is he angry about you loving Alli?”

I shook my head. “No. He understands how easy it is to love her, and if this is the time he has left with her, he wants to spend it with her however he can. He would rather be the one to touch her and to talk to her, but he is not like Melanie.” The words seem to hurt Ian, so I added, “I’m sorry.” He didn’t respond, just nodded. I waited, and then I asked, “What do I do?”

“She’ll believe you,” he said with absolute certainty. “If you tell her, she’ll believe you, so you better be sure you want her to know.”


	23. Alli

Sings of Light cleared his throat from the doorway. I looked up, saw the uncertainty in his face and posture. “Sorry for running out on you,” I said, fidgeting with my hands. Sings stayed in the doorway. “I just couldn’t... I just couldn’t.” It shouldn’t have hit me like that. It wasn’t one of  _ our _ songs. I had no particular attachment, and I didn’t think Drew did, either, but hearing it on Sings’s lips through Drew’s mouth...

He nodded. “Of course. I shouldn’t have done that.” His voice sounded thick.

“No, you should have. You were asked. If you wanted to, you should have.” Sings still didn’t move, so I jerked my chin inside. “Come on, don’t stand there all night.” He met my pathetic attempt at a smile with his own and sat beside me on the mattress. We were quiet for another stretch, and I asked, “Did Ian look out for you?”

He nodded. “He took me to do dishes.”

“Good, good.” It had been an afterthought, Sings of Light’s safety in my absence. It shouldn’t have been. But Ian had been there, and Ian was good, so -- once the thought hit me -- I was pretty sure they’d be fine.

“I like Ian,” he announced, maybe just to fill the space with something that wasn’t pain or tension.

I smiled. “He likes you, too, you know.”

Sings’s smile was so genuine and bright. Drew’s face, but not a smile Drew would have made. I was seeing more and more of that -- Sings of Light rather than Drew. Now that I was over the initial shock, it was easier and easier to spot the things that Drew wouldn’t have done. It was a beautiful smile. “He’s...” Sings shook his head. “For a human to love a soul...” He shook his head again.

“Jamie loves Wanda, too,” I said, just because I wanted... because I wanted to hear Sings talk about it. Talk about loving a soul.

“But the body means something to him,” Sings countered. “Jamie’s attachment is based on his love for his sister. It grew into something of its own, but it started as love for another human. Ian... Ian didn’t know Melanie. His whole relationship is with Wanderer. That’s nothing short of impossible.”

I shook my head, slipping out of my denim shorts. “I disagree.” After a moment where his eyes lingered on my newly exposed flesh, Sings looked up at my face in surprise. I said, “I think Jamie’s more impossible.” I shrugged, then slid my bra out from under my shirt. I tossed it on the floor a few feet away. “Looking past the familiar face... It’s hard.”

“Easier for Jamie, I think,” Sings said tentatively, slipping out of his own jeans. “He’s young, and so much of his life has been this invasion.”

“And the bond between siblings is different from the one between lovers,” I admitted, sitting back down on the bed. “Jared can’t move past it.” Sings got back down on the bed wearing only his briefs and t-shirt. “It’s harder when it’s someone you’ve chosen who’s taken away. Jamie didn’t choose Melanie. Jared did.”

We stared at each other for a long, silent moment. I watched his eyes dip to my lips, my collarbone. I swallowed.

Sings’s voice was rough, husky as he said, “I don’t know what to do.”

“About what?” I asked, and the ragged edges of my own voice surprised me.

“I don’t know how to... how to make you happy.” He turned his wide, silver eyes back to me, and I was struck by how little the silver in them upset me. How it almost seemed right. “I keep hurting you,” he continued in a whisper, “because everything about this is impossible.”

Before I could think better of it, I lay down, my back to Sings of Light. He followed suit, thinking the conversation over, but I backed up into him. His breath caught in surprise, but he let me take his arm and drape it over my side. “You’re right,” I breathed. “This  _ is _ impossible. But I’m going to try to figure it out.”

He was stunned into silence, then his arm tightened around me. I felt his mouth pressed to the back of my head, and he whispered my name like a prayer.


	24. Sings of Light

I awoke to a light tapping on my arm. “Sings?” Alli said, her voice... strange.  _ She _ had been the one to put my arm around her, and in my sleepy state I couldn’t think what the sound in her voice could mean. “Sings,” she repeated as I stirred, and this time I thought it sounded like a laugh was building in her throat. I stretched wakefulness into my limbs, and the motion pressed my body into Alli.

I yelped, scrambling back and sitting up, bringing my knees up and hiding my burning face from Alli, who rolled over to look at me. I buried my face in my hands. “Shit,” I breathed. The word came from Drew, and usually I didn’t like swearing, but this time it was appropriate.

Alli raised an eyebrow. “Human bodies, huh?” she said, that laughter still bubbling in her throat.

I groaned. Last night had ended so good, and this morning had begun with my morning wood pressing into Alli’s back.

_ Let’s just die right now _ , Drew suggested, equally mortified. He would not have been embarrassed if it had been his own body, but right now it was  _ ours _ , and things were different.

_ No argument here _ .

But then Alli laughed, a sound I was constantly longing to hear but had heard so sparingly since arriving. I looked over at her, and she was lying on her back, hand over her eyes, laughing. “Fuck,” she breathed. She shook her head, smile wide and beautiful. The pink in her cheeks made her glow. “ _ Fuck _ .” She laughed again.

I continued to groan. “I’m sorry. I just--”

She snorted and looked back at me. The sparkle in her brown eyes did nothing to help my current predicament. “Don’t.” She sighed, rolling her eyes. She got up, and she scavenged around in her drawers and piles of things. I wished she wasn’t bending over in nothing but her underwear and a tank top, but she was and I couldn’t seem to pull my eyes away from her. Then she turned around and tossed me a towel. “Let’s go. You can hold that.” I stared at her for a long, disbelieving moment, and she rolled her eyes again. “I’m taking you to the bathroom. You can  _ do what you have to do _ and then we’ll take a bath.”

My gratitude got caught in my throat with my mortification. “Thanks.”

She chuckled again, shaking her head. “Don’t mention it.”

I stood up, pulling pants on and grabbing clothes to change into. “I can guarantee I will not mention it,” I muttered to myself, but Alli heard and laughed louder.

I didn’t want to talk about it, about the ache in my pants that I could not ignore and the unconscionably far away bathroom.

But Alli said, “So this is something you’ve done before?” I looked down at her, and she raised an eyebrow. Then, instilling me with fear and also arousal, she unabashedly reached down and mimed stroking a cock.

I looked nervously around the hallway, which  _ was  _ empty. For now. I swallowed and admitted, “Yes. I’ve done this before.” I would not tell her about how recently.

Her face lost some of his mirth in favor of thoughtfulness. She said, “Is that common with souls?”

I let out a deep exhale, utterly unprepared for this conversation. Drew was no help, either. I said, “Human bodies are... Their emotions and sensations are stronger than the other species we have occupied.”

She didn’t like this turn of phrase, but she didn’t comment on it. Instead, she shrugged. “Wanda said that much. Not in this context, of course. She’s... She’s embarrassed about it, which seems weird to me.”

“Why?” I asked, unable to help myself. I wanted this conversation to be over, didn’t I? And were we almost at the bathroom  _ yet _ ?

“You gotta figure that a species that hops from body to body has to, I don’t, be able to talk about them?” She looked at me, and her gaze cut right through me. “I mean, we’ve got history, so I can see how this would be weird, but I didn’t know Melanie. Like, they’re bodies. Wanderer’s had a whole bunch.” Alli snickered. “I don’t think Wanda masturbates. She doesn’t seem the type, even if she wasn’t sharing a room with her host’s brother.”

I was eternally grateful that we reached the bathroom and I could disappear without continuing this conversation about masturbation with Alli.


	25. Alli

I shouldn’t have kept thinking about it. I should have just let it be. But my mind kept falling back to the feeling of Sings of Light pressed up against me when I woke up, of the gentle, unconscious grinding that he’d managed in his sleep. I kept thinking about his blazing cheeks and the furtive glances he threw me from those blue-silver eyes.

I felt things, thinking about it, and I couldn’t tell how much of it was because it had been so long since I’d had sex with someone and how much of it...

Sings of Light was not Drew. He was not Drew, and the more time I spent with him the more I believed it, the easier it was to see in his face. Drew’s face, but Sings of Light’s expressions. Drew’s voice, but Sings of Light’s words.

But I liked Sings of Light.

I so badly didn’t want to. It would have been so much easier to hate the parasite that stole Drew away from me. I could have turned my back on him, and this confusing storm in my chest would never have started.

But I liked him. He was kind, sweet. He looked at me like I was everything. He didn’t shy away from my harsh edges. He was gentle and compassionate, and I knew in my heart that he loved me.

I liked him for a lot of the reasons that I had liked Drew, actually.

He was not Drew, but he was sweet and good, and I was attracted to the body he now called his own, and I couldn’t stop thinking about how it felt to wake up in his arms with his hardness pressed against me.

I loved Drew. I would always love Drew. But Drew was gone. Would he think I was betraying him if  _ this _ was how I looked for my new happiness?


	26. Alli

Sings of Light stood uncertainly just inside the room. "You know," I said, sitting back on the bed, "I thought we’d moved past invitations. Come on."

His cheeks turned pink. "Sorry." He came forward and sat on the edge of the bed. I waited as she took off his shoes and placed them neatly by the foot of the bed. Drew never did that. He'd been a shoe-flinger, like I was. Not Sings. When his shoes were off, he stood and peeled himself out of his jeans. These too were neatly set on the ground. Sings, not Drew.

I took a deep breath when he finally got onto the bed beside me. "Sings," I started because it seemed as good as any place to start. He caught onto the tone of my voice immediately, watching me with guarded, worried eyes. I sighed and reached a hand out to his arm. "I... I know that you're not Drew." There was a part of it that still stung, but the pain was a mere shadow of what it used to be.

"Alli," he said sadly, putting one of his own hands over mine.

But I couldn't let him interrupt or I would lose the small semblance of momentum I'd managed to accrue. "You're not Drew, but you're kind and sweet and generous, and I like you." Those silvery eyes stared in surprise at me. "A lot," I added. He was not Drew, but Drew had been gone for a long time. Sings was here, now. I’d made my decision, and I had to tell myself that Drew would have wanted me to be happy in this apocalypse in whatever way I could. He’d been that kind of guy.

At first Sings stayed very still as I rose up onto my knees and leaned in close to his face, but then it was him pushing forward to meet me, his lips finding mine and the heat of his body pressing against my chest, his hands roaming up my back and down my hips. He touched me like an old lover gone away too long; familiar and confident and easy and desperate. He kissed me with a forceful passion that was so at odds with his nature as a soul that I would have remarked on it had I not been completely enveloped in his embrace.

" _ No _ !"

And then suddenly he was pushing me back, scrambling backward and away from me, breathing as heavily as I was.

I waited a moment for my mind to catch up with my body and his, to reassess and understand. But I didn't understand.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, hoping to keep my words from snapping out of me. "Sings," I said, opening my eyes and training them on his face. That familiar face with its unfamiliar expression. "I need you to talk to me. I need you to tell me what... that was about. Because none of this is easy or simple, and I just can't..." I heard the wobble in my voice, and then Sings turned a mournful gaze to me. "Please. What's wrong?"

He took a long moment before responding, his body curled in on itself. "Alli," he started, and I was struck by the guilt that rang in his voice. Those silver eyes stayed on me, but reluctantly. He took another deep breath, and then he said, "Drew is... still in here."

I couldn't breathe. I was a million miles away. "What?"

Sings winced. "Drew's consciousness is still in my head, and I can't sit here kissing you when you don't know. We didn't... We couldn't tell you. He's still... We're not sure it's a good idea now, but I can't do this. Not to you, and not to him. It would be so selfish to sit here and act like it isn't true."

I reached a shaking hand up to his cheek, and he let me with repentant tolerance. "How?" I breathed. It was all I could manage.

He put a gentle hand on my arm. "I... Before I came here, I'd never experienced a host who lingered. My previous hosts had no consciousnesses for me to suppress. They were infants: all need, no personality. Drew was... present. He was my first experience of this world, and he was so...  _ vivid _ . For a while, I was too surprised to fight him, which is what a good soul probably would have done." There was a different guilt in his voice with this admission, and I let my thumb trail over his jaw. "But then... Well, then he showed you to me. And... It... I fell in love with you, seeing you through his memories, but I... in many ways, I fell in love with him, too, seeing the way that he constructed his memories and his world. I..." He gave a small, testing smile. "I don't think I have to explain to  _ you  _ what I love about him."

My eyes began to sting, and I shook my head. "I get it."

His laugh was a short, surprised burst. "Yeah. Umm, so I did what I could to keep him present with me. I didn't want to be alone in this body without him." Sings shrugged. "And then Jared kidnapped us, and there you were, and we wanted to tell you so badly, but we were worried. We thought that you wouldn't believe us, and if you didn't believe us then you'd think we were lying, and then you'd think we were a Seeker, and then you'd kill us, so we kept quiet. It was better to be with you without you knowing the truth than being dead. And then we met Wanderer, and I thought we could tell you, but Drew was worried it would look like she gave us the idea, so we put it off again." He looked at me sidelong. "Do... Do you believe me?"

A tear fell from my eye, and immediately Sings's hand was wiping it away. I nodded. "I do." I watched tension fall out of his body, but not his face. “Wanderer said you were different. She said that a conventional soul wouldn’t have accepted her relationship with Melanie, but I was worried that you were too... open about your feelings for me for Drew to still be there since Melanie is so strict with Wanderer’s affection, but I've been thinking that it was maybe possible. I tried not to let myself hope, but sometimes..."

Sings stopped trying to maintain his cautious distance and enveloped me in his arms. "I'm sorry we lied to you. We thought we had to."

I was crying now, tears that were the culmination of days and days of anticipation and of years of mourning. Sings let me cry, holding me and rubbing my neck the way that Drew used to when I was upset.

When I was done, he leaned back to get a look at me in the darkness, wiping my cheeks tenderly. "So, what happens now?"

I bit my lip as I considered, and then I was up on my knees again. I held his face in my hands. "Drew, I love you, and I'm so happy to have you back, even like this." I leaned forward and kissed him. This time, it did not turn into that same passionate explosion, and for the moment that was good. "And Sings," I started, staring at the same man yet addressing another, "I'm so grateful to you for keeping him alive." I leaned in and kissed him again. "Other than that, I don't know what happens now. I need some time, I think. I think the two of you might need a little time, too."

"Of course," he breathed, and he gently pulled me down, curling his long, lanky body around me. There was almost humor in his voice as he whispered in my ear, "We're not going anywhere. You've got time to think it through."

It took a long time, but eventually I fell asleep in their arms.


	27. Sings of Light

When I woke up, I was pleased to discover that I was not unconsciously pressing my dick into Alli’s back again. What was especially good about this was that she  _ was _ still wrapped in my arms.  _ Drew _ ? I thought.

_ Yeah? _ He was sleepy and slow, but he felt happy. The truth was out. Now Alli had only to do something with it.

_ Are you alright _ ? I asked. Things were so weird right now.

I felt the warmth in his reply.  _ I’m good, Sings. I’ve... I’ve been thinking about Wanderer and Melanie, actually. I... I don’t think I’m like Melanie. I don’t mind if Alli loves you, and I don’t mind that you love her. I  _ can’t _ mind when I know how easy you both are to love. So long as long neither of you forget about me, I’ve got no objections _ . He added,  _ It’ll be weird as hell, I’m sure, but if Alli wants to try, then I want to try. _

I let out a long breath as my heart swelled. I was so blessed to have been chosen for Drew.  _ I could never forget you _ , I told him.  _ And Alli will never forget you, either. She wouldn’t have had such a hard time with this whole thing if you’d been forgettable. _

Alli stirred, her body stretching and twisting and pressing against mine. A little chirp escaped her lips as she did, and then she turned around and looked up at me. Her smile was soft and sweet and still very sleepy. “Morning.”

“Morning.” I reached up and brushed down the spikes of short black hair that had been manhandled by the pillow.

She waited patiently for me, and then she chuckled. “Am I a mess?”

I put my hand down sheepishly. “No,” I assured her. “I just wanted an excuse to touch you.”

She smiled, then bit down on her lower lip, then craned her neck up and kissed me. I was calm for a moment, just happy to be kissing her, and then my body woke up and I was pulling her closer to me, pushing her mouth open with my tongue and taking her, Drew’s memories and heat convincing me that she was  _ my  _ old lover, and that there was no taste sweeter on any known world. He was present, urging me to pull her closer and taste deeper.

She panted when she pulled back, and I worried that I had made a mistake. But she didn’t pull back too far. She dragged her gaze from my lips to my eyes. “Drew... Drew is okay with this, right?” she asked, her voice uncharacteristically small. “I... Drew, I love you. So much. But I really like you too, Sings. I thought about it before falling asleep last night. Right now, I think this is for both of you. I need... Is that okay? For both of you?”

I smiled. “Drew and I were just talking about it.” She raised her brows, barely breathing. “He says that he understands how I could fall in love with you and how you could...” Love was too strong a word right now, so I said, “How you could develop feelings for me, since he’s also done both.” Alli let out a soft chuckle. “He doesn’t want to be forgotten. If you can promise that -- and I know  _ I _ can -- he gives his blessing to try whatever this is that we’re trying.”

Alli sighed, in wonder or happiness or some combination, and kissed me quickly again. She left her forehead pressed against mine and said, “Drew, I could never ever forget you. I was ready to make some pretty binding vows to you, and I was ready to mean them. You’re in no danger of being forgotten.”

“He loves you so much,” I said, translating for him. “And he’s happy to be here with you, even if he needs a go-between.”

She smiled. “He’s lucky to have such a good one.”

_ Yes, I am _ , he agreed, and my face got hot as I smiled to myself.

“Thank you,” I said to both of them.

Alli leaned in and kissed me again, this one not ferocious but also far from chaste, and then she sat up. “Come on, this resistance doesn’t support itself.”


	28. Alli

The morning went wonderfully. We worked together making bread, though Sings was still upset about the plainness of our recipe. I found myself reaching out and touching him every now and then, and he leaned into every touch.

Things were weird, but I had Drew back, and I had a new friend, and I was pretty goddamn happy about it all.

Things fell apart a little at lunch.

We were coming back to the kitchen after cleaning the thick layer of flour off our arms (and faces), and I was laughing at something he was saying, and we were walking close, and I had a hand on his arm.

And then Kyle stood up and pointed, anger twisting his features. “Come on, Alli, what the fuck?” He stood, pushing through the crowd to get to us. My tolerance of Sings of Light had been unpleasant but something he could deal with, but apparently this new closeness was too much.

I pushed Sings of Light behind me and took out the knife that I had not stopped carrying with me. I pointed it at Kyle, and he stopped a few feet away from me. “Stay away,” I told him, my voice hard. “This is none of your goddamn business.”

“You don’t seriously  _ like _ that parasite?” he spat, eyeing the knife in my hands and sizing up whether or not I’d use it on him.

Doc stood up from the other side of the kitchen, watching the stand-off that could very easily come to blows.

“Not that it’s any of your business, Kyle O’Shea,” I said, raising the knife again, “but yeah, I do.” He seemed like he was going to say something I didn’t want to hear, so I continued, “One of his best features is that he didn’t try to murder someone I like a few days ago, so yeah, keep trying me.”

His mouth thinned, and he adjusted his tactics. “You think Drew would be okay with this? Because in case you forgot, that  _ thing _ murdered  _ him _ .”

It would have affected me even yesterday. I would have felt the guilt like a knife, and Kyle would have gotten a leg up in this fight.

But it wasn’t yesterday. “No, he didn’t,” I said, and before Kyle could say something else I didn’t want to hear, I added, “Sings of Light is keeping Drew alive.”

“Alli,” Sings warned nervously at my back.

Kyle threw up his hands and looked at me like I was an idiot. “You can’t believe anything it says! It saw how you bought that line from the other parasite and used it on you.”

I laughed and without taking my eyes off Kyle I said, “Hey, Sings, say that you like Kyle.”

Kyle’s face lost its anger and twisted in confusion instead. Sings poked his head into my peripheral vision. “Umm, what?”

“Tell Kyle that you feel safe around him,” I suggested.

“But I... I don’t,” he admitted, his voice small.

I laughed again and sighed. “You know, I was trying to prove a point about what a shitty liar you are, but that works, too.” Focusing my attention back on Kyle, I said, “That’s not what happened. I believe him, and it literally doesn’t matter that you don’t. It’s not your call, and if you fuck with either of us, you’re dead. I’ll do it, or Jeb will, or someone else, I don’t care. You are not allowed to take this away from me.”

Kyle took a step forward, his face red with anger, and I held my knife up at him, but Sings put a hand on my arm. We looked at him in disbelief. “Please, Alli,” he said, eyes flitting nervously to Kyle, “don’t do this. Not for me. Not for Drew, either. We don’t want you to kill one of the few surviving humans for our sake.”

This surprised Kyle so much that he took a step back. Doc finally decided to intervene, putting a hand on Kyle’s shoulder. “Come on, now, Kyle. No one’s in danger from Sings. Except maybe himself, if he keeps trying to save Alli from you.” He and Sings exchanged a look, and then Doc gave Kyle a gentle nudge away from us.

Kyle resisted, then shrugged out from Doc’s touch, then sneered at us, then turned his back. I waited a good, long moment before putting my knife. “Thanks, Doc.”

Doc nodded and sighed. “It seemed like you had it mostly under control,” Doc admitted, “but I didn’t want Kyle bleeding out on my table.”

I grinned wryly as Sings of Light blanched. “Yeah, that’s not ideal. He’s heavy; we’d never get him there.”

“Alli,” Sings protested, and it sounded like the violent talk was choking him.

I put a hand on his arm and gave him an apologetic squeeze. “Come on, let’s get some food.”

“Would you like to sit with me? I’d love to pick Sings’s brain about the Singing World.” Doc gestured to the table he’d vacated.

My brows came together. “No Sharon today, Doc?” She would never stand for our company.

Doc looked back at the table and frowned. “Not anymore, I guess.”

I was about to reach out for him, but Sings of Light beat me to it. “Sorry.”

Doc waved it off with a sad smile. “Go get your food. I’ll be waiting.”

When he turned his back, Sings whispered to me, “It’s about me, right? Sharon?”

I waved him off, too. “She’s a bitch, honestly. She’s Maggie’s daughter. That should tell you everything you need to know.” I sighed. “Doc deserves better than that.”

Sings was quiet for a long moment, then he followed me to the food.

We didn’t run into Wanda until dinner, when she and Ian joined us at our table. Ian eyed the closeness of our bodies and Sings, to my surprise, nodded. “I told her,” he said.

Ian’s brows rose. “Really? That was fast.”

I narrowed my eyes. “You knew?”

He held up his hands and leaned back. “Just since dish duty.” He saw me about to press, and he added, “I mostly figured it out on my own. And I told him to tell you.”

“Sorry, Alli,” Sings cut in quickly so that I wouldn’t fight with Ian. “He  _ did _ guess. He  _ saw me _ talking with Drew.”

Wanda laughed apologetically. “It’s annoying, huh?”

Sings of Light smiled at her. “This time, it made things easier, but I don’t know if I’ll feel that way the next time.”

Then Wanda sobered, her brows coming together. “But Ian says that Drew... He’s not possessive like Melanie is?” Sings shook his head, and Wanda’s frown deepened. “Melanie is very possessive,” she admitted quietly, though I could hear the tinge of admiration that infected the displeasure. “With her body and her... heart.”

“I’m sorry,” Sings said feelingly. “I know you two... You don’t have the relationship that Drew and I do.”

Wanda shook her head, but she said, “No, but it’s not what it was at the start. I... We respect each other, at least, and I admire a lot about Mel.”

I leaned casually on the table, and Sings of Light put a hand absently on my back. How many souls were walking around our planet making peace with their hosts instead of eradicating them, afraid to announce their new, taboo bonds even though bonds and peace were core tenants of their ideology?

How many humans could have accepted them?


	29. Sings of Light

My heart raced as I followed Alli to her room -- our room -- that night. It was the first night since the truth came out. The first night that we would both get in that bed without secrets.

“After you,” she said, holding the curtain open for me. I ducked in and stood awkwardly by the bed. I turned back to her as the curtain swished back into place, and Alli walked right up to me, neck craning and breasts against my stomach.

It was enough, and I swallowed hard. “Alli,” I started.

She laughed and reached up, pulling me down for a kiss. I needed no convincing. Drew’s instincts took over, and I pulled her hips against me, and we kissed until we were both breathless.

Alli broke away and looked up at me, eyes searching and cheeks pink. “Is this okay?”

I laughed, too loudly maybe, and said, “You have to ask?” Pressed against me, she knew that I was hard and ready for her.

She grinned wickedly, hands tracing patterns on my chest. “Good. It’s good for me, too.” She glanced down at the bed, then back at me, and her wicked grin faltered. “I’m not getting pregnant during the alien invasion apocalypse, so you can’t cum in me,” she said matter-of-factly. It shouldn’t have sent an excited shiver down my spine, but it did. “ _But_ I’m down for some other things.”

I guided her to the bed and lay her down, laying myself on top of her. She let out a beautiful sigh as I pressed into her. Her legs wrapped around me. “What other things?” I asked. She always took the lead.

Alli grinned and then looked pointedly from my mouth to between her legs.

I chuckled and teased, “What is it you want exactly?”

She rolled her eyes and took my face in her hands so that our noses were practically touching. “I want you to eat me out, please,” she said, each word deliberate.

We laughed, and I knew that this was commonplace for Alli and Drew. Their intimate times had always been as full of laughter as they had been of passion, and it was a bright, beautiful, warm feeling to share with them both.

I leaned forward and kissed her mouth before situating myself between her open legs. Drew guided me; my inexperience was nothing with his voice and memories in my head. Alli writhed beneath my tongue, though her moans were quiet in these acoustic tunnels.

I ached with the taste of her on my lips, throbbing as she gyrated into me. Her hand came down, fingers grasping at my hair. “Drew,” Alli breathed. She bucked. “Sings.” She moaned. “Yes.” Her breathing stuttered. “I’m close.” Her back arched.

Alli’s moan was uncontained as her thighs clamped tightly around my head, locking me in place. Her fingers were like vices in my hair, and her body shook beneath me. I kept myself between her legs even as they loosened their grip on me. Alli was almost done, experiencing only the final aftershocks of the orgasm, and then -- at Drew’s insistence -- I put my lips over her clit and gave a quick suck.

Her little yelp satisfied Drew and sent a jolt through our whole body as well as hers. She laughed and gave me a playful smack on the head. “I know that was Drew,” she said, still panting.

I lifted up, leaving a final kiss just below her bellybutton, and admitted, “Yeah, it was.”

She waited for me to crawl up and hold my face above hers. Her cheeks were flushed, and her eyes were glittering, and she asked, “You think anyone heard that?”

I leaned down, and her lips met mine, and I said, “Anyone in this hallway would have heard that.” The acoustics of these stone tunnels carried sound efficiently.

She groaned, covering her face, but I saw the smile peeking out from behind her hands. “I’ll tell the next supply run to grab some sound-proofing foam.”

I laughed, letting myself fall on the mattress beside Alli. “I will not be there when you ask.”

She propped herself up on an elbow and looked at me. “I don’t think anyone would look for condoms for us, or I’d ask for those, too.” A thought crossed her eyes. “Actually, maybe Ian would, but he’s not leaving Wanda alone, so I won’t hold my breath.” Then she shook her head. “Enough about other people. It’s time for me to blow you.”

Another jolt of electricity coursed through me, and I watched Alli crawl down the bed. “Wait,” I said, sitting up. She halted in her progress and looked up in surprise. Of course she looked surprised; I was putting off a blowjob. But I cleared my throat uncomfortably and borrowed Drew’s courage to ask, “Will you take your top off first?”

Alli blinked at me, and then she laughed. “Yes, I’ll take my tits out for you,” she said, already wiggling out of her tank top. She unhooked her bra and tossed it across the room, and her breasts spilled free.

Drew’s pleasure mixed with my own. _Touch them, please,_ he urged.

I needed little encouragement from him now. I reached forward and wrapped my hand around one of Alli’s breasts. They were H Cups, which were a challenge to dress but a beauty to behold. And to hold, as well.

Alli smiled as I touched her, running my fingers over her nipples and lifting the weight of her breasts. “Miss them?” She reached down and gently rubbed at my erection through my pants.

“Yes,” I breathed. Humans had decided that the distinction between Tits Men and Ass Men was important, and Drew was a tits man. I guessed that I was, too.

Alli leaned forward and kissed me on the lips, then asked with big, beautiful, brown eyes, “Would you like me to suck your dick now?”

I moaned. “Yes, please.” I let her push me back into the bed and watched her breasts swing as she positioned herself over my throbbing erection. She worked my briefs down, and she made direct eye-contact with me as she held my cock with one hand and dragged her tongue up the length of it.

I shuddered and moaned, and she didn’t give me a chance to say any actual words of encouragement before wrapping her whole mouth around me.

Drew was at once very quiet and very present in our head. He said nothing, but he was aware of every bit of pressure, every flick of Alli’s tongue, every shift of her hands, every inch of her breasts that fell on our thighs.

I only managed to breathe her name to let Alli know I was close before bursting. I let out a long moan, grasping at the mattress, as Alli kept sucking, taking everything from me.

When I was done, I let my body relax into the bed, a deep sigh escaping. Alli gave me a final quick lick and then crawled back up the bed. She nestled herself into my body, and I curled around her.

“How was that?” she asked, grinning.

I let out a large laugh: too large, in these quiet, crowded halls. I kissed her lips. “You know how that was,” I told her, and she laughed against my mouth.

“And for Drew?” she asked, brown eyes big and cautious.

I knew, but I asked anyway, _How was that for_ you _, Drew?_

He laughed in our head, too, and said, _Tell her it was a group effort, and I’m immensely satisfied with our teamwork._

I laughed again and relayed the message. She grinned and nipped at my lower lip. “I thought that felt familiar. Nobody knows how to eat me out quite like Drew Prescott.”

_Nobody_ better _know how to eat her out like me_ , he responded with mock indignation, and I relayed that as well.

Alli winked and sat up. “Man, I hate that the bathroom is so far away.” She jerked her chin at me. “You need to do any cleaning up or other bathroom activities?”


End file.
